The Power Of Connection
You Were Built To Bond
So many of us, around this time of year, are working on achieving important personal goals. Many times, our hopes are to rid ourselves of bad habits, unhealthy attachments, and to cultivate positive, energizing new practices, relationships, and lifestyle changes. All to the good… but, as you know if you've ever tried, easier said than done.
People can get very upset with themselves when they “fail” to quickly and easily break their bonds to unhelpful behaviors and habits. They shame themselves, feel bad about themselves and can start to feel very discouraged. This is not only not helpful, it's also based on entirely incorrect assumptions: That making a decision to change, to stop doing something, or start doing another should easily and effortlessly lead to change itself.
Not. True.
One of the key ideas that can completely transform the way you think about changing anything is to consider unhelpful habits or non-ideal practices as things that are currently serving an important purpose in your life — whether you like it or not. Everything we do is, on some level, in service of our core needs.
For example, You have legitimate needs for comfort, for safety, for soothing, and for connection. If you have a bad habit that you're finding hard to shake, it's very likely that habit is fulfilling a basic need. Understanding that everything, even behaviors and habits that seem on the surface to be unhelpful or even unhealthy are serving an important purpose for you can open the door to a new, compassionate way of understanding why you do what you do… as well as point the way towards a different, more effective path of growth and change.
Consider this idea: What emerging research into neuroscience is pointing to is the fact that human beings are hardwired to BOND. Ideally, we bond to healthy people and have satisfying relationships. But we can also bond to other things, like gratifying behaviors, substances of abuse, and unhealthy relationships. Your brain is actually built that way! It can be diabolically easy to become bonded to something that's basically a placeholder for what you really need: safety, security, soothing, love, and connection. (Looking at you, emotional eating!)
By understanding your authentic, deep needs for comfort, emotional safety and connection, you can begin to release unhelpful bonds to behaviors that — while they may meet your needs — are doing so in a “non ideal way.” From this place of enlightenment, self-awareness, and empowerment you can then intentionally create healthy new bonds to things, behaviors and people who energize and nourish you.
The Power of Connection
A leading expert in these new ideas is Jennifer Nicholaisen. Jennifer is the executive director of an addiction treatment center called Seek Healing. She and her colleagues view these emerging ideas about human connection, the power of bonding, and the basic need for emotional safety as THE healing force behind substance abuse recovery. They view the process of addiction recovery as one of breaking unhealthy old bonds (to substances), and establishing healthy new ones to emotionally safe people. Participants in her compassionate program learn how to create healthy connections with other people — connections that feel so powerful that their previous bonds to substances are able to be released.
It's powerful stuff. And today, Jennifer is with me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to share her insights with YOU about how you, too, can intentionally cultivate healthy bonds and use the power of connection to create healing and health in your own life.
I hope you listen to this very special episode, and that it provides you with a helpful new perspective for understanding yourself and others.
All the best,
Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast
Relationship Advice: Listener's Relationship Questions, Answered
Music Credits: Harry Nilsson, “Jump Into The Fire”
Spread the Love Happiness & Success
Please Rate, Review & share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
iTunes
Stitcher
Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She's the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
Let's Talk
Real Help, To Move You Forward
Everyone experiences challenges, but only some people recognize these moments as opportunities for growth and positive change.
Working with an expert therapist or life coach can help you understand yourself more deeply, get a fresh perspective, grow as a person, and become empowered to create positive change in yourself, your relationships and your life.
Start your journey of growth today by scheduling a free consultation.
Related Post
Why Relationships Fail
Ever wonder why relationships fail? On this podcast, we’re exploring the anatomy of a failed relationship, so you can keep yours healthy and strong.
Attachment Styles in Relationships
Attachment styles in relationships are a powerful force. Learn more about your own attachment style, and how it shapes the way you love.
Building Confidence in Dating
Need some help building confidence in dating? You’re far from alone! This episode will help you feel more confident and ready to find love.
Change Your Story, Change Your Life with John Delony
When you change your story, you change your life. Learn how to find your stories and challenge what's holding you back.
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
What are the signs of a healthy relationship? This podcast will give you perspective, and help you strengthen your relationship.
Dealing With Commitment Issues
Partner won’t commit? This podcast will help you tackle commitment issues in your relationship, so you can move forward with confidence.
How to Stop Procrastinating Right Now
Want to stop procrastinating right now? On today’s podcast, we’re getting to the root of the problem, so you can get stuff done.
Why You Keep Dating Jerks
Do you wonder why you keep dating jerks? On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re exploring that pattern, and how to break it.
Navigating a Quarter Life Crisis
Navigating a quarter-life crisis? Learn how to reimagine your future, and pivot in the direction of the life you want.
My partner dislikes my son and his fiancé for their messy, attempts to clean our kitchen after themselves. He confronts them behind my back and won’t let up… like he is always on watch to find something to confront them yet again.
I am emotionally drained.
They have really improved in cleaning up after themselves but under this stress, they rarely come to visit me.
They live 2 hours away so they don’t visit often but since my partner moved in a year ago, this has been an ongoing dispute between us and it tearing our relationship apart!
Please help!