What Is Self Love?

What is self love and why is self love so important? 

“Self Love” refers to our ability to hold ourselves in esteem and have confidence in our worth, no matter what happens around us.

As a therapist and personal growth coach, I get to work with clients on this very subject, and today I have some tips and education for you about what self love is. 

Allow me to give you an example of the importance of self love and how the lack of self love can negatively impact you.

The Importance of Self Love

Does this sound familiar? You feel like angry gremlins are coming at you, you’re exhausted from hauling the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’ve got this imaginary ball and chain locked around your ankle, and you’re at your wits end from constantly dodging emotional bullets that are aimed right at your head and heart!

The truth is, you may not be facing emotional attacks from an outside force. But when you’re feeling vulnerable or insecure, inner attacks can feel just as deadly as external ones. These are all issues we can experience when our self-love tank is running on empty and our self-hate tank is topped off and running on full throttle.

The way we feel about ourselves impacts our relationships, our careers, how much money we make, how people perceive us, and the amount of happiness we’re able to feel.

Many of the issues that people struggle with, such as depression, anxiety, and relationship issues, are really symptoms of a lack of self love and disconnection from their true authentic self. When people feel insecure, they can worry, feel sad, or even lash out. In contrast when you feel confident and embracing of the real you, those bad feelings are less likely to arise.

Here’s a quick “self-love” quiz:

• Do you believe that it is your job to define your own worth and lovability and no one else’s OR do you believe your self-worth is based on how people feel about you?
• When you make a mistake are you able to be compassionate with yourself and learn from the situation, OR do you beat yourself up?
• Do you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, OR do you practice self-care on a regular basis?

Examples

Your self love will increase if you begin to see who you really are, rather than seeing yourself through all the false beliefs and distortions. 

As adults, we need to take responsibility for knowing who we really are. When we are able to embrace this responsibility, then we know we are connected to our authentic or truest self. At the very essence of who we really are is a deep reservoir for our capacity to love, experience joy and compassion.

Reminding yourself that you are a good person, worthy of love and respect, will help you swat away the false beliefs telling you otherwise.

Here are 3 positive affirmations for self-love, to help guide you towards expressing your true authentic self

1. “I don’t allow other people to define who I am.”
2. “The worth of my true authentic self is intact, unchanging, and cannot be taken away from me.”
3. “My self-worth is not based on my performance or how others think of me.”

3 Ways To Cultivate Self Love

1. Be kind to yourself as you learn to apply these principles of self-love into your daily living.
2. Believe in yourself as you open your heart to the magnificence of who you truly are.
3. Allow yourself to be curious as you learn to raise the level of joy in your tank of self-love.

When you work with an experienced therapist or life coach, you can understand the roots of self-worth issues, and begin building yourself up from the inside out. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll feel not just happier but more empowered in your life and your relationships. 

I believe you deserve that, and I hope that you do too.

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Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.