Does Your Partner Have a Problem?
It is agonizing to be in a relationship with someone you love very much, but who has a serious — and untreated — problem. If your partner is struggling with something like depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography addiction, ADHD or PTSD it can wreak absolute havoc in your relationship, not to mention make you (both) miserable. If the problem has been going on for a long time, it may even make you question whether you should continue to support and help your partner… or whether it’s time to cut your losses and end the relationship.
This topic has been on my mind lately, as I’ve recently had a number of listeners of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast ask me these questions:
- How do I help my partner who is depressed (or anxious / ADHD / addicted to something) and refuses to get help?
- What are signs your partner will get their act together, and what are signs you should break up?
- How do I help my husband who is suffering from PTSD, and won’t talk to anyone?
- How many chances should I give my alcoholic / addicted partner?
- I promised, “For better or for worse,” but it wrong of me to bail on this marriage if my spouse is not holding up their end of the bargain?
- Is my boyfriend ever going to be cured of his pornography addiction?
- Should I feel guilty for ending this relationship, even if I feel like I need to save myself?
These are big, serious questions. But you, my dear listener, told me this is what is important to you… and I’m listening to you. We’re going there on this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. I hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this dark time, and back into clarity and inner peace.
All the best to you,
P.S. Would YOU like to ask me a question? I always respond to comments. Or you can also record a voicemail for me (via the button on this page) and I may answer your question on the next podcast!!
What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem
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Music Credits: Lorelle Meets The Obsolete, with “Waitin’ For The Orange Sunshine”
Hi lisa,
I was wondering wether you would be able to advise me.
My fiance of 4 years, and we had a very stable loving relationship, has recently learned of our stepdaughter having an abortion nearly 9 months ago. Since hearing this news, she has completely shut down on me. Started drinking heavily and seems to pay no attention to our little family at home. When shes not working she is out. She has surrounded herself with people who she has never cared about and who dont care for her. Is there anything i can do except sit and wait for her, in the hope that she returns? As she does not want to hear me when i offer support and an ear for her to talk to. Im seriously concerned for her wellbeing as even our stepdaughter who had the abortion cannot understand the way she has gone. Ive been doing a lot of reading and i understand that our reactions go back to our childhoods? As hers was a sexually abusive one at the hands of her stepfather could this be a subconcious coping method? And if so, will she ever come back out of herself?
Many thanks
Steve
Steve, thanks for reaching out. You are right: This is an odd reaction. It would be completely irresponsible of me to try to diagnose or speculate on whether your fiance has unfinished business with the past that has gotten triggered by your daughter’s disclosure.
What I AM hearing loud and clear in your story is that YOU are trying to have a relationship with someone who has substance abuse issues, is emotionally (and literally) unavailable, and who is not being a good partner for you. If she does have mental health issues, it is up to her to address them.
My recommendation is that you turn your attention back to yourself, to your family, and to what you need and want in your life to be happy and fulfilled. Then, go and create that for yourself. Your figuring out how to set boundaries around your needs, rights and feelings will not just help you, it may motivate your partner to seek help if she realizes that she will need to bring her healthy, best self to the table if she wants to continue being in a relationship with a healthy person like YOU.
All the best,
Lisa Marie Bobby