How to Be More Confident
How to Be More Confident
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: “Freedom,” by The Originals
How to Build Confidence In Yourself
How to be more confident? If you have (like so many others) ever struggled with feelings of self-doubt or compared yourself to others, you know that feeling confident can seem elusive. While wanting to be “better” can feel like motivation for personal growth or self-improvement, sometimes this self-criticism can actually impede your personal development.
Consider the paradox of wanting to be more confident: When we don’t feel as confident as we think we should, it then becomes just another thing to beat ourselves up about. “I’m not as confident as other people!” Or, “I should feel more confident than I do!” Oh, the irony! But learning how to build confidence becomes much easier and more attainable when we stop seeking to “feel” confident and feeling bad about ourselves when we don’t and, instead, start focusing on our relationship with ourselves.
Self Confidence … Through Self Compassion
Does your relationship with yourself feel healthy and supportive? Do you know how to love yourself, and compassionately coach yourself through challenging life experiences? Or do you beat yourself up, judge yourself, or inwardly criticize or condemn yourself as you go throughout your daily life? Do you validate yourself, or do you worry a lot about what other people think of you?
The path to learning how to be more confident means learning how to have a healthier relationship with yourself.
Stop Beating Yourself Up
For people who struggle with confidence or have low self-esteem, their harsh inner critic can feel like the part of yourself that “really knows the truth.” It can feel like it’s trying to help you be better, by pointing out your flaws or shortcomings. But what we know is that growth requires emotional safety and support. If your inner critic is always tearing you down and making you feel bad, it becomes paralyzing. If you’re constantly making mistakes and doing the wrong thing, it feels like you can’t do anything: Not even the things that would help you grow and heal.
Then you’re stuck!
How to Build Confidence In Yourself — Compassionately
The key to creating self-confidence is learning how to have an emotionally safe relationship with yourself. This is a personal growth process that can be a journey to cultivate, for sure. But the rewards are enormous. Not only will you feel more confident, but this type of deep personal development work can also help you feel more optimistic, better able to meet challenges competently, and — perhaps even most importantly — improve your relationships with others too.
But how? How to build confidence through developing a relationship with yourself? On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m pleased to do a deep dive into this topic with my guest, Dr. Aziz Gazapura. Dr. Aziz is a psychologist specializing in social anxiety and self-confidence, and he’s sharing his insights with us today.
I hope you join us for this episode, which is essentially a “masterclass” in how to be more confident. Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or right here. If you’re more of a reader than a listener, scroll down to find shownotes and a transcript below.
Xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
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How to Be More Confident
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: “Freedom,” by The Originals
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Episode Highlights
- Why Is Confidence Important?
- Being Kind to Yourself
- Confidence is an inside job.
- You need to learn how to manage the insecure part of yourself, you’re going to suffer.
- Being On Your Own Side
- As you take the risk to become more real and vulnerable, you can experience a fundamental shift where you become more “on your own side.”
- This endeavor does not need to be a one-man job. You can seek the help of professionals and your loved ones.
- Breaking Free from False Self-Protection
- Often, the voices inside our heads are trying to protect us from harm or danger.
- However, they’re an outdated protective strategy that feeds us information that is not necessarily true.
- Being Kind to Yourself
- Social Anxiety vs. Lack of Self Confidence
- Signs of Social Anxiety
- Social anxiety is typically a fear of being judged, disliked, and rejected. Underneath that is the belief that we are unworthy and unlovable.
- The primary way we deal with social anxiety is avoidance. However, the more we avoid problems, the harder it becomes to confront them.
- Anxiety is a Verb, Not a Noun
- Rather than having social anxiety, think of it as doing social anxiety.
- It is reversible as long as you put in the effort to break free of your patterns.
- Signs of Social Anxiety
- How to Build Confidence in Yourself
- Be Willing to Fail Forward
- The more you are willing to make mistakes, the quicker you’ll develop your skills.
- Forge Verified Faith
- Once you’ve practiced your social skills a number of times, you’ll be willing to take more risks.
- You then get faith in yourself that you can do it.
- Be Authentic, Not Nice
- When you’re more focused on being nice, you approach people from a place of fear, not genuine love and connection.
- Doing this can build up resentment since you are unable to express your own needs and emotions.
- Consider Therapy for Low Self-Esteem
- Therapy is a good place to start. Your therapist can guide you through a systematic approach to build your confidence.
- Be Willing to Fail Forward
- Making Assumptions
- We Attract What We Project
- We’re in an interactive field with the space around us and the people around us.
- So when we have self-critical thoughts, we’re actually bringing about more of that reaction to us.
- It’s About You Not Liking You
- Most of us assume that people are against us because we are against ourselves.
- Initiate a dialogue with your inner voice so you can combat this chronic assumption.
- We Attract What We Project
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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