How to Not Be a Dick

(Even When Other People Are Being Jerks.)

Let’s face it: We all have moments. Moments when we feel (justifiably!) angry or frustrated with other people, and moments when we lose our cool. While everyone is in agreement that there is a time and place for healthy anger, sometimes the lines can get blurred around when you’re setting appropriate limits…. and when you’re probably being unnecessarily aggressive about making your feelings known. In life coaching and therapy sessions (and especially couples counseling sessions) the topic often comes up of how to communicate well, even when you’re upset. 

How do we find that balance? The balance between not being a pushover and having a right to your feelings, but also having compassion for other people? Especially (here’s the hard part) other people who may not be behaving well themselves. It’s challenging for all of us. (#lifegoals!)

The easy thing to do in the face of conflict is to lash out in anger, push people away,  or freeze people out. It’s much harder to stay in the ring and find a path of mutual understanding and repair.

Emotional Intelligence Skills

At Growing Self we talk a lot about emotional intelligence, and how vital it is to having not just great relationships but career success too. We think of “emotional intelligence” as being the ability to understand other people and communicate effectively, but one of the (other) core skills of emotional intelligence is actually self-regulation. Self-regulation, meaning the ability to manage big feelings appropriately, and in such a way as to not damage important relationships.

Easier. Said. Then. Done…. particularly when you’re feeling attacked or disrespected. But when you learn how to regulate yourself and handle tough interpersonal situations well, YOU have the opportunity to find solutions, build bridges and strengthen connections.

How To Not Be a Dick

On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I had the great pleasure of speaking with NYC-based psychoanalyst Dr. Mark Borg about this subject, and his insights into how to lead a more compassionate life. Dr. Borg is the author of the book, “Don’t Be a Dick: Change Yourself, Change Your World” and he shared thoughtful strategies for how to:

  • Gain the authentic self-awareness necessary to catch yourself when you’re slipping into unnecessary “dickishness”
  • How to handle challenging interpersonal situations with grace and tact
  • The mindset that will help you stay compassionate with people who are not behaving well
  • Strategies to handle extremely triggering situations with your family around the holidays (without getting sucked into conflict)
  • How to use the power of empathy for yourself, and others, in order to make the world a better place

All that, and more, on this episode of the podcast. (Both the video and audio versions are included below!)

I hope this perspective and advice helps you and the people you love.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

How to Not Be a Dick, with Dr. Mark Borg

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Wimps, “Baggage”

Spread the Love Happiness & Success!

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

Related Post

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Ready to cultivate relationships with true-blue friends who have your back? In this episode of the podcast: How to build a supportive community of people you can count on through thick and thin.

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Having close, healthy friendships can feel like a luxury, but they’re actually vital to your mental, emotional, and even physical wellness. Author and science journalist Lydia Denworth shares what she’s uncovered about why it’s so important to prioritize your friendships, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

Are you struggling through emotional triggers? Do you find yourself feeling sad, confused, or even angry when you don’t feel heard or when trying to work through difficult conversations with friends and family? Online therapist and life coach, Josephine Marin, M.S., MFTC discusses why you feel the way you do and how to start growing through these experiences. Read now on the blog!

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, RADICAL Acceptance – These are all ingredients to a happier, healthier, more successful you! Today on the blog, Online Life Coach and Therapist Roseann Pascale, M.A., LMFT shares how you can start your journey towards Radical Acceptance even in uncertain and difficult times.

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby dives into Helm’s White racial identity development model and has an honest conversation about what the stages are really like. She shares what the work involves, the obstacles and opportunities in each stage of growth, and resources to support you in your antiracist development on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is speaking with online therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., A.P, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC about Hope, Healing and Empowerment.

Loading...
Tweet
Email
Share