Solve The Biggest Problem In Your Relationship: Communication
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
Are “Communication Issues” wrecking your relationship?
“We can’t communicate with each other” is probably the number-one complaint of most couples coming in for marriage counseling or couples therapy. The underlying issue can be about anything: Parenting, sex, money, priorities. But the result is the same — tense, frustrating moments for both of you. Many couples don’t even remember what half the fights are even about, just that communicating with their partner feels impossible.
Communication problems in relationships make even the simplest moments feel difficult, and like a new fight is always simmering under the surface. Even the most banal question, like “what do you want to do for dinner?” can turn into a conflict when you’re having a negative reaction to your partner’s tone of voice, or the way they respond to you (or don’t respond to you), or the assumptions they make, or the fact that there are unresolved hurts and resentments piling up between you.
Because communication difficulties are such a major problem for so many couples, and I’ve been getting SO many questions about it from podcast listeners, I’ve decided to help you solve this problem by creating a three-part podcast “mini-series” on the subject of how to improve the communication in your relationship.
In today’s first episode I’ll be introducing some main ideas that can help you understand why conflicts happen, and what YOU can do to improve communication in your relationship starting today.
Next week we’ll be talking about how to handle things if you have a partner who seems angry, snappish, or emotionally reactive.
And then in the following episode we’ll be talking about how to communicate with a partner who shuts down.
I sincerely hope that these ideas help you both find your way back together again.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ps. Do YOU have specific questions you’d like me to answer on an upcoming podcast? Record your question for me using the “voice recording” widget on this page, or leave a question in the comments! LMB
Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast
Communication Problems, and How To Fix Them
Music Credit: Eyes Behind, “Talk to Me”
So what happens when you communicate regarding communication. See no effort. But there’s effort towards looking for a repair brochure for a insignificant tool….
YOU do the hw you’d hope they would show interest in doing. Fine a piece worth suggesting ti them. And eventhen they don’t care to become informed.
Claus, I totally agree that this is such a hard situation. In the case you’re describing, it may be worth doing some soul-searching around whether or not this relationship has enough strength and positive qualities for you to want to continue in it. I have a podcast planned to come out soon around this topic of “when is it time to end a relationship” and I’ll be sure to leave the link here in case you want to check it out. In the meantime I hope that you are finding ways to support yourself, and cultivate other, more positive relationships in your life. Sincerely, Lisa
I found this podcast so enlighting and ironically I just told myself this same thing just a few days ago! I can only control my reactions/behaviors and so I am trying to tell myself to take a deep breath and not react immediately or at all when I know that the reaction is most likely going to be one that I am not happy with. As you mentioned, this takes an immense amount of self awareness and it is going to be a work in progress for quite some time. Hearing you recommend this method to help this unhealthy pattern of communication that we have become accustomed to is definitely encouraging. Thank you for offering this. It is exactly what I needed to hear when I searched for some answers tonight.
I’m so glad this was helpful to you! Thank you for listening to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. 🙂 LMB