You Are A Good Person, Worthy of Love
Yes, you. You are worthy of love.
You deserve to be treated well by others. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your needs met.
You are worth investing time and energy into. You are capable of great things. Your feelings are important. You have power and wisdom inside of you.
What you want matters. You are worthy or love.
And all this is still true, even if you make mistakes. Even if you are not perfect.
As a counselor and personal growth specialist, I work with some of the most phenomenally well put together, objectively successful, gorgeous, talented, and intelligent people in the world — who still genuinely believe that they are irredeemably flawed.
These clients run multi-million dollar businesses, go on international adventures, and accomplish astounding things, yet they struggle to feel as though they are worthy of love and respect. The disconnect between how amazing they are and how they feel about themselves is as wide as the Grand Canyon.
So how about you?
Take a second and re-read the paragraph at the top of the page. Do those statements feel true to you? Or does a part of you cringe away from them, thinking that such things might be true for others but not for you?
Does your brain instantly reject these ideas, firing back with an endless catalogue of your many mistakes and short-comings: all the “evidence” to prove that you are less worthy somehow?
Why is it so easy to lose your confidence, and your self esteem?
You are a perfect, unique snowflake gliding through your time here on Earth. There has never been anyone quite like you. You are smart, you are capable, and you are good. You are here to love and be loved.
You have things about you that set you apart from other people. Maybe it’s your style, or your humor, or your tenacity. Maybe it’s the fearless way you’ve lived your life, or the heroic mountains you’ve climbed on your journey. Perhaps your most wonderful quality is the way you care so deeply for others.
But it’s easy to forget that when you have to fight for your right to be heard, respected and understood in a world that pushes back.
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Every single one of us has been bruised on this journey through life. We’ve all been disappointed by people. We’ve taken risks, only to fall flat and feel humiliated for our efforts. Maybe toxic relationships have made you feel diminished. Perhaps you didn’t get your needs met at a time that you desperately needed support, and you are still carrying the scars of those primary wounds.
Over time, the injuries of life can erode your belief in yourself. You can be tricked into believing that your not-so-great life experiences define you.
Niggling doubts like, “Maybe my [insert one: critical father / rejecting Ex / high school chemistry teacher] was right about me,” or “This is probably the best I can expect,” keep you from feeling that you deserve more.
But you cannot let the inevitable traumas of the human experience break you. You cannot allow yourself to be diminished by others. You must never allow your core self to be ground away by disappointment. You can learn and grow from your experiences, and emerge a stronger, more confident version of yourself.
You Deserve to Be Loved, You Are Worth of Love
Your self-esteem profoundly influences how you move through the world, and realizing that you are worthy of love and respect can change your life in three important ways:
- Other people will treat you the way you expect to be treated.
- You will rise to meet your expectations of yourself.
- You will make choices and take chances based on what you believe is possible.
Think about what could happen to you if you totally lost sight of your inner beauty, your worth, your potential, and your inherent right to be loved and respected?
How chilling to consider the fate that might befall you if your life, and the people in it, began to conform to those expectations.
You must be your own hero. The world is hard enough without you tearing yourself down, beating yourself up for your failures, and telling yourself you’re not good enough.
When you stop believing in yourself and your worth as a person, your abilities, and that you deserve to be treated well, all is lost. No one else is going to be your champion — because no one else can.
Say it with me, “I Am Worthy of Love.”
It’s time for you to take your power back. All faith is a choice. All beliefs are voluntary. You can decide to love yourself first, and actively, intentionally build yourself up.
You can support yourself from the inside out. Remind yourself daily, hourly, or minute-by-minute on especially challenging days:
Only you get to decide what you are worth. Only you get to decide how you deserve to be treated by others. Only you decide what is possible for you.
Decide today.
You are worthy of love and respect. You are capable of great things. You are a good, smart, strong person.
Make those statements your mantra. Believe they are so. Act as if they are so. And watch as the world rises to meet YOU…
One other thing: If reading this is making you instinctively want to argue with me, tell me all the reasons why this isn’t true for you… that’s an important sign that you have some personal growth work to do. Something happened along the way, through no fault of your own, that damaged your ability to think well of yourself. There can be all kinds of reasons for this. Sometimes it’s depression. Sometimes it’s trauma. Sometimes it’s having had negative, invalidating experiences with other people you trusted.
People are harmed in relationships… but they are also healed in relationships. Even though you might not always feel like it, I know that you are worthy of love and respect. Taking positive action to get connected to a caring and competent therapist who can help you heal and grow is what loving yourself looks like in action. If you’ve been hurting, I sincerely hope that you consider getting the support you deserve.
If you’d like to do this transformative work at Growing Self, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.
Sincerely yours,
P.S. There is so much support for you here. While advice through blog posts and podcasts is no substitute for a relationship with a therapist, we have collections of free resources to help support and guide you on your journey of growth. Please visit our “Happiness Collections” to browse all of the content collections we have to support your well-being and find the ones that resonate with you. I hope you take advantage of them all!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
Therapy Questions, Answered.
Support For Your Growth
Our expert therapists have generously created an entire library of articles, activities, and podcasts to support you on your journey of growth. Please visit our “Happiness Collections” to browse our content collections, and take advantage of all the free resources we have for you. Or, if you’d like to educate yourself about the process and logistics of therapy, please help yourself to our “therapy questions” knowledge base below. It’s all for you!
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Why Evidence-Based Therapy Matters
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Thank you Doctor and God Bless you for reminding me what I need to hear. I am in recovery from alcoholism (3 years). I now work in the field of addiction rehabilitation. I have accepted who I am and love myself as never before..❤
Love this!
I’ve been in two marriages, both have been emotionally controlling. I feel so much stronger and worthy as a single person. Reading this has brought me to my knees knowing that I have allowed myself to be treated with disrespect and with no voice in decisions. Both times, I have lost myself to the point of existing without hope. After reading this, I am going to seek help so I can stop this pattern and maybe find someone who is decent. Thank you for making this resource available for me.
Honestly, I’ve been having the hardest time to think I’m worth anything. My ex didn’t care about me most of the relationship, but I gave him my all, especially since it was LDR. He didn’t talk to me though. He ghosted me, and didn’t talk to me for two of our anniversaries. Am I worthy of love? It feels like I don’t. I promise you, I gave him my all. I always make time for someone, especially my SO, no matter what. I feel like I’ll never be able to get swept off my feet, cause I’ll just fall again, and not in the good way. Am I worthy? Am I even pretty? Am I bareable to even look at? Was i just so horrible and annoying that he couldn’t talk to me on our anniversaries, for a week straight? I was loosing myself over him, feeling like I should be in a mental asylum over him. I want to get better, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to go by everyday and not think of him. In a way, it feels like I’m just dragging on, not living. With school and having to take care of my parents and having a heartbreak that I can’t focus on too much, it’s really hard.
Hey there, I don’t know who you are, but all I know is that no matter what happened, you are worthy! You are beautiful inside and out just cuz you’re you. I was dumped three times by the people who loved me most…I know how you feel. But don’t let those people define you. You are you no matter if they see your worth or not. He’s stupid for letting you go. Hope everything goes well…
I have to get better
Thank you Doctor and God Bless you for reminding me what I need to hear. I am in recovery from alcoholism (3 years). I now work in the field of addiction rehabilitation. I have accepted who I am and love myself as never before..❤
Love this!
I’ve been in two marriages, both have been emotionally controlling. I feel so much stronger and worthy as a single person. Reading this has brought me to my knees knowing that I have allowed myself to be treated with disrespect and with no voice in decisions. Both times, I have lost myself to the point of existing without hope. After reading this, I am going to seek help so I can stop this pattern and maybe find someone who is decent. Thank you for making this resource available for me.
Honestly, I’ve been having the hardest time to think I’m worth anything. My ex didn’t care about me most of the relationship, but I gave him my all, especially since it was LDR. He didn’t talk to me though. He ghosted me, and didn’t talk to me for two of our anniversaries. Am I worthy of love? It feels like I don’t. I promise you, I gave him my all. I always make time for someone, especially my SO, no matter what. I feel like I’ll never be able to get swept off my feet, cause I’ll just fall again, and not in the good way. Am I worthy? Am I even pretty? Am I bareable to even look at? Was i just so horrible and annoying that he couldn’t talk to me on our anniversaries, for a week straight? I was loosing myself over him, feeling like I should be in a mental asylum over him. I want to get better, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to go by everyday and not think of him. In a way, it feels like I’m just dragging on, not living. With school and having to take care of my parents and having a heartbreak that I can’t focus on too much, it’s really hard.
Hey there, I don’t know who you are, but all I know is that no matter what happened, you are worthy! You are beautiful inside and out just cuz you’re you. I was dumped three times by the people who loved me most…I know how you feel. But don’t let those people define you. You are you no matter if they see your worth or not. He’s stupid for letting you go. Hope everything goes well…
I love this article. I have been struggling in my business recently because of my self esteem. I am having a difficult time believing that another human could ever love me or actually care about me. It was not a pressing issue to change until now that I am realizing how it is drastically negatively affecting every aspect of my life. This article helped put my mind is a positive state and it helped me understand that I should deserve love in my life. I appreciate you taking the time to write it and putting it out in the world
Thank you. I had self doubt, feelings of being used, love for one day then abandoned. I just want the world to reach me and take my hand and keep me close. I feel cold and I don’t want that. I wonder who’s there waiting for me. I wonder who she is and where. It’s been nearly 10 years and I cant find her. But this gave me some light and I thank you.
Aidan, you aren’t alone in feeling lonely as you search for a partner. I hope you find some encouragement, here, with your fellow commenters who are in similar situations (they’re out there – that’s why I recorded this podcast, after all!), or perhaps you’d find more support by working with a therapist or dating coach. Warmest regards, Lisa
Gisselle, I’m so glad to hear you found it helpful! Thank you for letting me know! xoxo, Dr. Lisa
I recently left my narcissist husband. I am struggling financially and emotionally with the enormity of the move, starting over, and connecting with friends to fill the void. I have realized over the past few months that I allowed myself to be manipulated, dismissed and discarded over and over again. The gaslighting and abuse got so bad that I stopped talking to him because everything I said would be twisted and used to make me into a villain. I am at peace with the decision but the disappointment and self-deprecation is something I battle daily. I know that, with time, I will find a place of self-confidence and self-love, but I’m a long way from that place right now. One day at a time…sometimes one hour at a time.
NC, thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. I’m sorry you went through this. Congratulations on taking that huge, and very difficult, step: getting out of that relationship! What you’re describing is the experience of recovering from narcissistic abuse. As you continue on this healing journey, I hope you meet with a therapist for support. I also recommend these books, if you’re interested!: “Hope and Healing” by Jantz, “Psychopath Free” by MacKenzie, “Whole Again” by MacKenzie, “The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook” by Marlow-MaCoy, and “The Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook” by Comito. Warm regards, Dr. Lisa
Thank you for the book suggestions. I will check them out. I was working with a therapist during the really frightening period of planning to leave, executing the move, and then couch surfing for a month until I found a suitable place. I am unable to coordinate regular counseling sessions right now, but I hope to find a way to do so soon.