How to Recover From a Breakup
How to Recover from a Breakup and Heal Your Broken Heart
It’s a bit embarrassing for me to say this as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to recover after a breakup. In fact, I’ve worked with many people as a breakup recovery coach as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I’ve walked alongside countless clients in breakup therapy as they manage anxiety, depression, coping with the breakup pain, and obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I’ve even started a breakup recovery program and wrote a book on how to recover from a breakup.
I know what you’re thinking: “She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever.” But the truth is: that while many relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try – if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor can’t help that couple get back together. In these situations, the best a marriage counselor can do is provide comfort, support, and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy couch, alone. And that is exactly what I’ve done for many, many people over the years.
How to Recover from a Breakup When It’s Difficult to Get Over Your Ex
Now, I’m something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I’ll be sharing with you what I’ve learned about why it’s so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup.
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How to Recover From a Breakup
Episode Highlights: How to Recover from a Breakup
- Feeling Devastated After a Breakup
- Almost everybody has had a breakup, and it is normal to cry and be sad about it.
- Relationships are addictive. In evolution, there is a need for humans to bond.
- Neurological and hormonal systems become activated when we fall in love.
- How to Recover from a Breakup: Three Stages of the Love Process
- The first stage is lust. It is the first attractor that can pull people together and potentially turn into romantic love.
- The second stage is romantic love. This activates the same part of the brain that is associated with cocaine addiction. With this association, we can still get “addicted” to the wrong person.
- The third stage is attachment. This is analogous to opiate addiction. With this association, going through a breakup is like going through withdrawal.
- The Protest and Despair Phase after Breakups
- Humans need strong, secure attachments throughout their lives.
- Protest response to breakups is trying frantically to reconnect with your ex even if you are aware that your actions are not logical.
- If the attempt to reconnect fails, the protest phase starts to fade into the despair phase, which makes people feel very down with themselves.
- How to Help Yourself During a Protest or Despair Phase
- If you really want to get over the breakup, the first thing you can do to help yourself is to stop or reduce any contact that you have with your ex.
- Like all addictions, relationship addiction is characterized by denial.
- Consider getting some social support that could understand what you are going through.
- Rushing moving on will not only be unhelpful, but it could also contribute to loneliness.
- You have to understand that going through a breakup and losing an important relationship is a trauma. So be very gentle with yourself, and expect yourself to be not okay for a while.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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