Avoid The 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes
Are You Making These 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes?
In marriage counseling and couples therapy, I work with couples on a wide spectrum of “issues” both in my Denver office and with couples online. Some are coming into our sessions proactively, ready to build the skills and find the tools needed to create a great marriage, while others are on the brink of divorce. It’s true: couples can fight, disagree, be very different — and still have fantastic relationships. However, there are a few certain kinds of relationship mistakes that can take down a marriage pretty quickly. And these relationship mistakes are worth noting (especially if you’re new to your relationship or just starting out in your marriage journey!).
Because the thing is: having a great marriage isn’t necessarily about solving problems as much as it is about having a solid foundation of emotional connection. If you are making relationship mistakes that damage that connection… look out.
Truthfully, the strength of your marriage isn’t measured by whether or not you have conflict or even big noisy fights. The health of your relationship isn’t determined by “communication skills,” whether or not you say please and thank you, or whether you’re going on date nights. It doesn’t matter how similar you are, whether you want the same things out of life, have sex often enough, or have an equitable household chore plan worked out.
Actually, the health, strength, and sustainability of your relationship depend on whether or not you are making these five biggest relationship mistakes:
- Empathic failure
- Not asking for authentic needs to be met in a way that your partner can hear them
- Not being responsive
- Being self-focused
- Not getting help if any of the above are missing
On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’ll walk you through each of these “Big 5” relationship mistakes and give you some real-world examples of how to do things differently.
If you can shift your behaviors in these five areas, you’ll be well on your way to repairing your love and bringing peace back to your home.
Is your marriage in crisis? Learn more about expert marriage counseling in Denver.
What Relationship Mistakes Have You Made? I come clean about some of my own in today’s episode. How about you? Are there times that you made some of those “biggest relationship mistakes?” (Or, possibly were on the receiving end?) If so, I hope you share your stories with others in the comments below… — Lisa
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Avoid The 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes
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Five Biggest Relationship Mistakes
- Empathic Failure
- Empathic failure is the rejection of any bid of connection.
- Care about what your partner is passionate or excited about.
- Be present when your partner is going through something.
- Not Communicating Your Needs Properly
- First, understand what you need from your partner. The very core of it.
- Ask for what you need directly and avoid hostility.
- Do not assume that nothing would change by asking what you need.
- Being Non-Responsive
- Engage in productive conversations.
- Show them that you care for what they feel.
- Follow through with promises that you make.
- Being Too Self-Focused
- Being too self-focused is the combination of the three biggest mistakes that have been mentioned.
- Do not always prioritize your needs over your partner’s.
- Always try and see from your partner’s perspective.
- Not Getting Help When You Need It
- When people’s attachments are disrupted they start to behave badly. That turns into a negative cycle of reactions.
- If you have built a core narrative that your partner does not care for you, you would need to have better and positive experiences in order to change that narrative.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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