How to Rekindle Romance In Your Marriage
How to Rekindle Romance in Your Marriage
Are you looking for to rekindle romance in your marriage or long-term relationship? As a couples counselor, I know that too many married couples suffer from “relational entropy.” They don’t put time and energy into their relationship, take each other for granted, and start to feel “meh” about their marriage as a result.
This sense of disconnection and apathy can be subtle, and go almost unnoticed in the frenetic day-to-day rush of kids-house-work run around that so many American families experience. However, this feeling matters, and sometimes — especially on special occasions like a holiday, birthday, or anniversary — the reality of a poorly tended marriage is often experienced more sharply.
Valentine’s Day can be a fun, romantic day, but what I know from a decade of experience as a marriage counselor and online couples counselor is that it can also leave people feeling exquisitely lonely — especially, believe it or not, if they are in long-term relationships.
Valentine’s Day: Rekindle Romance in Your Marriage?
We’ve all heard the arguments that Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday, designed to manipulate people into spending their money. What I have found to be more true is that people love to love. They love to celebrate their love. They love to feel cherished and appreciated – and they really want to feel loved, celebrated, cherished, and appreciated on Valentine’s Day by the person who means more to them than anyone else in the world.
Valentine’s Day feels like a great opportunity to reconnect and restore your love. Particularly when relationships have been feeling challenging or disconnected, many people hope that Valentine’s Day can be a day for recognition, reconnection, and reunion. They hope that the love that launched their life together can be breathed back into a cozy fire with a little effort and specialness. (And all relationships can benefit from some intentional attention).
And when it fails to do so, it can leave people feeling even lonelier and sadder than before.
Instead of feeling like the day was a beautiful recognition of their love for each other:
- They don’t feel loved and cherished.
- They don’t feel valued and respected.
- They don’t feel known or understood.
- They are frustrated by radically different ideas of what would be fun / meaningful to do on special occasions or holidays.
- They try to have a good time, but old friction points, conflicts, and resentments bubble up to spoil it.
It’s hard to live through this and have Valentine’s Day feeling like such a letdown, but here is the good news: being dissatisfied with the way things are is the definition of motivation.
All couples have ups and downs.
The strongest, happiest, and healthiest couples are the ones that have worked through their stuff and become stronger in the process.
Being more aware of your feelings is the first step toward making positive changes in your life, and in your relationship.
Are YOU feeling ready to make changes? Do you want to feel connected, and in love again? Help is here! On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I’m sharing my top 10 tips to help you rekindle the romance in your relationship.
P.S. For more on rekindling the romance in your relationship, read: How to Fall Back in Love with Your Spouse for a simple way to begin to ignite your flame again.
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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