Reconnecting With Your Partner
As our world is getting back to being busy and demanding of our time and energy, for many, this might mean balancing more and having less time for our relationships. However, this demanding environment can lead to disconnect and isolation if we aren’t intentional about tuning in and prioritizing our relationships. Maybe you have felt the effects of this in your relationship too. As a marriage counselor and relationship coach, many of my clients are experiencing new challenges and growth opportunities in their partnerships, and today, I am sharing my top three keys to a successful marriage.
Keys to a Successful Marriage
Happy couples practice these three, simple strategies to support their partnership in maintaining a healthy relationship through all the ups and downs.
#1 Create And Maintain Rituals Of Connection
Daily routines and rituals can serve as supportive structures and consistent connection in our daily lives. We are wired to connect, and when we don’t feel able to with those we love, it can feel isolating and negatively impact our well-being and our relationships.
I love rituals of connection because they offer us predictability as well as an opportunity in our relationship to cultivate creativity and togetherness. Not to mention, rituals offer us the space to slow down and truly connect deeply with each other. So why not create a new routine for your relationship, one focused exclusively on connecting with each other.
A ritual of connection is something we can easily create that doesn’t require money or leaving the house. I encourage couples to create a ritual of connection that they can engage in daily. It can take five minutes, or an hour. There can be plenty of flexibility in creating rituals. I’ve listed some possible rituals you might try below.
- Have your morning coffee together and share your hopes for the day
- Start or end your day with a walk together
- Start and end your day with a slow kiss and warm embrace
- End your day with a cup of tea
- Check in with each other by asking about the high and low point of the day
- Cook a meal together
- Share gratitude with each other
Make Space For All Emotions
Inevitably we all handle stress, anxiety, and fear differently – and that’s okay!
When we notice our partner is worried or overwhelmed, it can be easy to launch into solution mode. This isn’t always necessary or helpful though. Instead, when you notice that your partner is worried or overwhelmed, you might tell them that whatever they are feeling is okay and makes sense.
Ask them what they are feeling and thinking and ask how you can support them. Ask how they prefer to be comforted when they are feeling the emotions they express, and if you are able, move to comfort them in that way. By doing so, you’re helping to not only empower your partner but also empower your relationship!
Some people might need a warm embrace while others might need to do something to regulate and practice self-care like meditate or engage in some form of movement. Inevitably, it’s likely that your partner could benefit from hearing that you are there with them and that they are not alone in this.
Try to validate your partner as much as possible, and if you find yourself having a hard time understanding what is happening for them, be curious! Ask them to tell you more about what this is like for them. Avoid telling them that they are overreacting or that their emotions are wrong as this can lead to disconnect and conflict.
In a world that moves quickly and demands so much of our energy and time, it can be helpful to make space for gratitude where possible – our relationships can be a wonderful place to start.
To practice building a better relationship with your partner, try to spend 5 minutes with each other everyday to share what you are grateful for in your relationship. Perhaps you’re grateful for having rituals of connection to look forward to, or time to play in the yard with your kids as a family. Maybe it’s the simple gratitude of feeling like you are doing life together.
Share gratitude for your bond that gives you the strength to be resilient during hard times and hope for the future. Share gratitude for the qualities in your partner that help keep you grounded, like their sense of humor or kindness for the community you live in.
Remind yourselves of the bond you share and ground yourselves in these truths during times of chaos or uncertainty and also during times of calm.
My hope for you and your partner is that as you implement these three keys to a successful marriage, you will cultivate greater connection and a stronger bond between the two of you.
How are you turning toward your partner during this time? Do you have a favorite ritual you like to engage in with your partner? Leave it in the comments for others to get inspired!
Meet Brittany: a couples counselor, individual therapist, premarital counselor, and life and relationship coach with a warm, authentic, emotionally-focused approach. She works with her clients to build connected relationships, restore emotional bonds, and grow in their capacity to love others as well as themselves.
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