Recovering from an Affair

Recovering from an affair is a long road, but it is possible. As a couples counselor for over a decade, I’ve had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of an affair. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through.

When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone’s core values, commitment, and good judgment — families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. 

In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, with unanswered questions blaring in their heads.

This podcast is my attempt to answer if recovering from an affair is possible:

• Why do affairs happen?
• Why does infidelity happen in even happy marriages?
• Why is everyone in a love triangle profoundly damaged by the experience?
• What are the early signs that an affair is simmering?
• When should you work on your relationship, and when should you walk away after infidelity?
• Most importantly: The tools you need to survive infidelity and begin to recover, not just your relationship, but yourself in the aftermath of an affair?

Protecting Your Marriage From an Affair

Affairs, like any other type of addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for, you can check yourself, and protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I’ll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life.

[Are you married with a crush on someone other than your spouse? Here’s what to do about it to save your marriage: What to Do When You Are Married and Have a Crush on Someone Else]

Rebuilding a Marriage When Recovering from an Affair

If you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing, and forgiveness are possible. It is possible to recover from an affair. [More on: How to Forgive Your Partner, When The Hurt Feels Big]

An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair, under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor, many couples are able to not only recover from an affair but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. 

I’ll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again.

Healing After Betrayal

Being cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again — both other people, and often yourself. 

I’ll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals.

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Furthermore, hope for your relationship and recovering from an affair is also possible for The Other and The Occupied — the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. 

When traumatic betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you’ve allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself — not to mention your trust in others. 

The silver lining: we’ll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it. We’ll discuss how to forgive your partner (or your Ex partner) when they’ve hurt you terribly, and how to forgive yourself if you feel that you’ve let yourself down.

Recovering From An Affair

On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience.

I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing. And if you’d like support along the way, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. You don’t have to go on this journey alone. I encourage you to reach out for the support of a professional marriage counselor who specializes in affair recovery. You and your relationship are worth it.

Sources

1. Mitchell EA, Wittenborn AK, Timm TM, Blow AJ. Affair recovery: Exploring similarities and differences of injured and involved partners. J Marital Fam Ther. 2022 Apr;48(2):447-463. doi: 10.1111/jmft.12538. Epub 2021 Jul 9. PMID: 34241890. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34241890/
2. Affair Recovery in Couple Therapy Tina M. Timm, Katherine Hertlein. (https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119438519.ch74) https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119438519.ch74