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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Have you ever been told that relationships take work? If so, let me officially invite you to forget that nonsense right now. Seriously, it’s about the worst relationship advice I’ve ever heard. I say this as a professional marriage counselor, folks. Treating your relationship like a chore? A one-way ticket to misery town. Instead, let’s reframe: relationships thrive when they’re grounded in connection, fun, and positivity.
That’s exactly what I dive into in the latest episode of my podcast, Love, Happiness, and Success. I’m sharing how to stop doing “work” on your relationship and how to build a joyful connection that doesn’t feel like clocking into a job. Because, trust me, no one wants their partner to think, “It is with great effort that I’m being kind to you right now.” Yikes. Instead, let’s infuse your relationship with love, emotional safety, playfulness, and ease.
Should Relationships Be Easy?
Let’s start with a quick thought experiment. Imagine your partner saying, “It’s with great effort that I’m being kind to you right now.” Yikes, right? Relationships should not feel like clocking in for the night shift. But when we internalize this idea that “relationships are hard work,” we set ourselves up to view love as a slog instead of a source of joy.
Studies on relationship satisfaction show that positivity and shared enjoyment are key predictors of long-term happiness. When your time together feels like a grind, it erodes emotional intimacy and connection over time.
Stop Treating Your Relationship Like a To-Do List
First things first: relationships are not about white-knuckling your way through “to-do” tasks. That mindset is a fast track to resentment. Instead, ask yourself: What do I want my relationship to feel like? Most people want love, connection, happiness, and joy. So why not make those your goals?
Start by setting a positive intention with your partner. Say something like, “Let’s make our relationship a source of joy in our lives.” Boom. You’ve planted the seed for positivity.
Focus on Fun, Not Frustration
When was the last time you and your partner just had fun together? No, I’m not talking about checking things off your never-ending list of errands. I mean laughing until your stomach hurts or flirting like you’re still on your first date. If things feel like an endless cycle of drudgery, it’s time to hit pause and prioritize fun.
The truth is, connection grows through shared joy. Remember what made you fall in love? Odds are, it wasn’t a shared appreciation for folding laundry. Go back to those moments that brought you together and create new ones. Plan a date night, tell a silly story, or share an inside joke. Trust me, the more you laugh together, the closer you’ll feel.
Be the Energy You Want to Attract
Here’s the biggie: the energy you bring to your relationship matters. Are you being positive, emotionally safe, and enjoyable to be around? Or are you unintentionally dragging things down with negativity? (No judgment—we’ve all been there.)
The good news is that positivity is contagious. Start by working on yourself. Ask: Am I rested? Energized? Taking care of myself? Because if you’re running on empty, you’ll have less to give. Studies have shown that self-care directly impacts relationship satisfaction. So take care of you, and watch how it ripples out into your partnership.
Unlock the Secret to Happier Relationships
I know how hard it can be to feel stuck in conflict. That’s why I created this free 2-part training, Communication that Connects—to help you stop the fights, rebuild your connection, and communicate in a way that brings you closer. Click the link below to take the first step.
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