720.370.1800 - Intl 844.331.1993
Are You in a Toxic Workplace? How to Know If You Are… and What to Do About It

Are You in a Toxic Workplace? How to Know If You Are… and What to Do About It

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC is a career coach and executive coach with a degree in Career Development. She specializes in helping people get clarity about their life’s purpose, and the skills and strategies to overcome obstacles and create a life they love.

Is Your Toxic Job Impacting Your Mental and Emotional Health?

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you’re almost too stunned to type… For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands… For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness… This blog post is for you.

Rule #1 of Toxic Workplaces: They Make You Doubt Yourself

Are you second-guessing your work experience with questions like:

  • Is it really that bad?
  • Are my expectations too high?
  • What can I do about it anyway?

Here’s the thing: not every work struggle fits the label of “toxic workplace.” Sometimes a job is bad fit for you. Sometimes challenging work experiences may be due to a “boomerang effect,” where you’re dishing out meanness and judgment and that’s what comes back at you. Perhaps the person creating a stench has a hidden diagnosis or an invisible family situation that’s creating a ripple effect with their work.

So, yeah, there may be reasonable explanations and solutions if it feels like toxicity is showing up in your workplace. At the same time, it’s worth getting some key questions and terms defined and clear, to help you determine if you are on a toxic workplace or not.

Signs Your Workplace Is Actually Toxic

A toxic work situation looks as unique as each person, and there are still some conditions that show up make things fall legitimately under the toxic umbrella, including:

  • Harm to people or property
  • Unpredictability is the rule, not just about daily happenings but also about your job’s longevity
  • There’s an unhealthy person with a big ripple or clusters of unhealthy people (this can be leaders, colleagues, or clients)
  • You notice drama, gossip, bullying.
  • Your nervous system is on high alert in more than just a passing way (this can be caused by many variables beyond your work environment, so it’s important to look for the root of this scenario with a professional). Tips that you’re in an elevated state of anxiety:

There’s no set formula for definitively calling a workplace toxic. My rule of thumb is that if my client calls it toxic, I trust their judgment. You might also feel empowered and motivated simply by declaring that your job is toxic to you. No one else has to endorse the term. Unless you plan to pursue legal action, no one else needs to testify that their experience parallels yours. If it doesn’t suit you, let’s make a plan for shifting gears for you.

How to Manage a Toxic Workplace

Key questions I often ask my clients to help them create a survival / action plan if they’re dealing with a toxic workplace environment include:

  • If you remove one person, does the problem go away?
  • What the worst that can happen if you pursue any of the avenues you’re considering and are you willing and able to deal with those worst-case scenarios?
  • What does your support network look like? Can you activate your network to help you through this transition?

In general, the quickest and most efficient solution to workplace toxicity is to find another job. Sometimes that’s not feasible or easy or quick, so we can look at other options, but know that making a switch – either internally if you think the problem will be solved if you’re out of the sphere of one particular person, or externally, if the issue appears to be systemic and entrenched – often takes planning, strategy, and finesse.

Beyond deliberating about whether to segue to a new position, there are some approaches you can take to lessening the immediate impact on yourself, and for me, those tactics are rooted in understanding and leveraging power dynamics.

Six Strategies to Survive a Toxic Workplace, and Take Your Power Back

First, know that it’s useful to recognize what power is. The great civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr. defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. I often review several categories of power with my clients, including:

  • Hierarchical power: an organization’s structure, who reports to whom, who has hire/fire authority, who has the ear of the influential people? Generally, if you’re seeking help with workplace toxicity, this isn’t the type of power you have readily accessible – the good news, it’s not the only kind of power you can leverage.
  • Logistical power: the physical infrastructure of where you work – is there a safe place where you can retreat, can you use buffers to block your line of sight or stay off others’ radars? Can you escape for breaks, outside for a Vitamin D break? Is there a way for you to psychologically indicate to yourself that you’re no longer needing to carry the stressors of work (a mantra when you leave work each day, for example)?
  • Ninja power: your interpretation of the situation – how can you reconfigure your perspective and shift how external stressors affect you? This is where a coach or therapist can really support you using techniques such as mindfulness or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Viktor Frankl, the famous psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
  • Peer or posse power: banding together with those in the same situation, acting as a block and/or support network. If you plan to cultivate and access this power, be attentive to the structure and know that there’s a risk that you may be perceived as being exclusionary and/or stirring up ire. Proceed with caution.
  • Loud power: fight fire with fire. Give as good as you get. I never recommend this approach because it has aggression at its root. Still, some people believe that you have to call out a bully to get the bully to back down. I admit it – I just can’t go there. I’m only including here because it’s a tactic that I hear often – just one that I’ve never heard used with success.
  • External power: advocacy groups, particularly if you identify your situation as part of a larger societal issue such as racism, sexual harassment, ageism, or other experience that a social justice movement might address. Ask yourself whether you want to part of a revolution that topples existing power structures. If your answer is yes, access the resources of advocacy organizations to support you in your quest.

Tips For Strategizing Your Way Though a Toxic Workplace: Advice From a Career Coach

There’s definitely no one-size-fits-all solution to workplace toxicity, but some tips that I offer my clients include:

  • Play the long game: It’s tempting to seek revenge and/or grab for a moment of vindication that can be costly over time. Know your goal and work systematically towards it. Steven Slater, former JetBlue flight attendant, who quit in a fury triggered a media frenzy by deploying the emergency exit slide, grabbing beer, and cursing passengers. He became a bit of a folk hero, but he also faced serious legal charges.
  • Document, document, document: It not only helps you develop your approach, it grounds you in the truth of what you’re experiencing.
  • Consult your human resources team: Ask for confidential input about your situation if your workplace offers private consultation with an HR professional for employees
  • Seek legal advice: One of the best places to start this process is to research the labor laws in your state or jurisdiction.
  • Read The Asshole Survivor’s Guide by Robert Sutton: Ideas, perspective, and insights – well worth reading.
  • Read Dare to Lead, by Brene Brown: Tips and tools for how to create a positive workplace.
  • Join our “Designing Your Life” online career group, for both support and empowerment.

This topic can be difficult to address, so get support as you navigate the often pothole-filled roads of reconfiguring your worklife to get yourself what you need: fulfilling work in a supportive, nourishing environment. Act on your own behalf. You know you’d advise anyone in a situation similar to yours to do the same.

But Wait, There’s More

I have even MORE advice for you on how to manage a toxic work environment. Listen to my interview with Dr. Lisa on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for tips on how to:

  • Identify the signs of a toxic workplace
  • Navigating the stages of toxic workplace healing: Identification, survival, exit, and recovery
  • What you can change and what you can’t
  • How to manage the emotional damage of a toxic workplace
  • How to exit a toxic job and get a new one, gracefully
  • How to spot the warning signs that you might be applying for a position in a toxic workplace

Hope this helps you!

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Is Your Workplace Toxic? How to Tell, and How to Cope.

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Beck, “Soul Suckin’ Jerk”

Enjoy the Podcast?

Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Designing Your Life: How to Create The Life You Want

Designing Your Life: How to Create The Life You Want

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC is a life coach and career coach with Growing Self. She is one of 45 international coaches certified in the Designing Your Life curriculum that is based on the New York Times #1 bestselling book. She specializes in helping people create their ideal careers, and attain their personal and professional goals.

It’s Time to Grow…

The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you’re like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching, career coaching or therapy right now, it’s because this is the time of year to let go of the old, get re-aquainted with yourself, and design new goals for the next chapter of your life.

To support you in your quest for personal evolution, life coach and career coach Maggie Graham will be sharing her advice for how to move forward fearlessly in your career, your life and your relationships.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Maggie is talking about:

  • How to organize your life around what brings you the most energy and fulfillment
  • Identifying the self limiting beliefs that may be holding you back
  • Avoiding the common, self-sabotaging traps of perfectionism and negative self-talk
  • Resources to help you to get clear about your values and your goals
  • Key skills to making good decisions about where to go next with your life
  • How to transform your personal and professional relationships

Here are the links to the life coaching and career coaching resources we discussed in this podcast:

All the best,

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Designing Your Life: How to Create the Life and Career You Want

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Enjoy the Podcast?

Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

5 Ways to Test Drive a New Career

5 Ways to Test Drive a New Career

Reduce The Risk of Changing Careers

Do you hate your job? Have you already determined that you’re ready to move in a different career direction? Maybe you’ve even identified one or even several possible new career options. It warrants mentioning that there is no one perfect career out there for you, but you will find that several career paths best suit your individual skills and desires.

So now what? Sure, you could simply chuck your current job and blindly go out there to pursue your dream. [Check out: The Top Five Best Reasons For Leaving Your Job] This can work for some people, and the personality and career assessments I give to my career coaching clients helps to identify who those risk-takers are, but for most people, this would cause excessive anxiety and uncertainty. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Here are five ways that you can ease into a new career before jumping ship:

Strategy 1: Six degrees of separation – Okay, so maybe you don’t know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Bacon…but there is something to this theory. You probably do know someone or someone who knows someone who is doing your dream job or has knowledge about it. Offer to take them to coffee or lunch. Ask them questions. Your best bet for gaining crucial knowledge of a career is to talk to someone who is already doing it, and doing it well. What do they love about their job? What don’t they love? They will be a wealth of information, and finding out important information ahead of time can save you time and energy in reaching your goal.

The power of networking is especially huge if you are changing fields entirely. You have a better chance of finding an “in” to a different field if someone knows you and can vouch for you. You need to get your foot in the door before you can convince someone how your skills translate to that area.

Strategy 2: Research – If you’re reading this article then you have an understanding of how to use the internet to find information…and you know that Googling is a verb. 😉 There is so much available online – just use a search engine to explore a specific career field and you can find things from salary information to success stories of people in that field.

Strategy 3: Volunteer or Intern – Many times, you can gain enormous insight into a possible career by volunteering a few hours a week. Non-profit organizations, hospitals, and shelters are just a few examples of places that use volunteers. Many other businesses offer internships (some unpaid, some paid) to those who want to break into a field. If a place doesn’t offer either of these, you can always offer yourself as an unpaid intern or volunteer– the worst they can say is no.  

Strategy 4: Take classes – Your new career field might require additional learning or certification. Some of these courses might be online which makes it easier for those working a full-time job. I’ve had career coaching clients do everything online from learning computer coding to obtaining their real estate license. Another bonus of doing this while remaining at your current job is that depending on the type of classes, some or all of the tuition may be reimbursed by your employer. You can check with your HR department ahead of time.

Strategy 5: Moonlight – Unless your current career forbids this, you can start doing your new career on the side to see how you like it. Especially if your new venture involves self-employment, starting it out on the side allows you to keep the financial stability of your current job while going through the growing pains of a starting a new business.  

As a career coach and executive coach, I know that changing careers always involves an element of the unknown but the rewards can be enormous. Being uncomfortable is actually a good sign, because the greatest growth in life always occurs beyond your comfort zone. Good luck and remember:

“You miss 100% of the shots not taken.” — Wayne Gretzky, hockey great.

Schedule Your Free Consultation Session

Meet in Person

Colorado • California • Texas

Meet Online

Across the US and Internationally

How Are Layoffs Like Breakups?

How Are Layoffs Like Breakups?

The Painful (and Helpful) Overlap Between a Layoff and a Breakup

I’m a career coach with a sub-specialty of helping people who are changing careers, sometimes after an unexpected job loss or layoff.  [Check out my article, “Got Laid Off? Here’s How to Deal”] When Allie Volpe, a freelance writer contacted me to ask whether I might be available as a resource for an article she was writing for The Cut called Getting Laid Off Taught Me How to Cope with Breakups, I had a mental forehead slap: Duh! Of course, there’s so much in common between these two topics – why hadn’t I written about it myself?!

I often liken a job search to dating, but now, thanks to Allie, I have another paradigm that, after she connected the dots for me, I can’t stop exploring in more detail.

Take a look at the article that Allie wrote about breakups and layoffs because it includes details about her own anguish and search for answers following her layoff and how she recognized the connection to a breakup. She seeks input from several professionals who touch on the turmoil that disruptions in habits bring, suggestions about bouncing back, mourning, and harvesting lessons.

Painful Similarities Between a Layoff and a Breakup

Both breakups and layoffs can have the same flavor, including:

  • If you don’t see it coming, both a layoff and a breakup can be like a sucker punch to the gut and make you question your worthiness.
  • After a layoff or a breakup you’ll likely experience an emotional cocktail, including grief, anxiety, self-doubt, anger, hope, and more. [Read: “Getting Over a Breakup? How to Cope With the Pain“] It can be intense and sometimes seem disproportionate to the event because it may dredge up old wounds and past losses. 
  • As with any loss, both a layoff or a breakup may lead you to experience grief bursts, which is an unexpected wave of emotion that washes over you with a strong force. An offhand comment or an article or an email rejection notice can trigger tears or anger that seems to come out of nowhere.

Helpful Similarities Between a Layoff and a Breakup

The good news about the often-difficult experiences of either a layoff or a breakup is that we can look to each of them for wisdom and insight for healing for the other. What may seem insurmountable and spiral us into deep despair can shift. Here are some suggestions for moving through both struggles:

  • Find a Way To Process Your Emotions. It can be very helpful to get professional support or use a mechanism such as journaling to make sense of your inner experience so that your emotions don’t bleed into your interviews. One of my favorite coaching teachers told me, “Your mind is like a dangerous neighborhood. Don’t go in there alone.” The same is true of a breakup – if you can harvest the emotional dimensions of your split and process them, they’re less likely to cloud your next relationship.

 

  • Whether a Former Employer or Lover: Don’t Bash Your Ex. Anger and resentment are normal and often very reasonable responses to both a breakup and a layoff, so it’s important to attend to these emotions. A budding romantic relationship may not bear the weight of bitterness from a recent partnership. And when you’re in a job interview, it’s important that you speak professionally about your former employer. No matter how much of a mess it was at your former workplace, it’s not helpful as a selling point in marketing yourself for your next job if you detail or even hint at the problems you encountered there.

 

  • Pay Attention to Your Self-Talk. Are you blaming yourself for not seeing this coming? Don’t judge your younger self for missing cues or bypassing exit opportunities. There’s a great quote from Maya Angelou that fits here: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” If your self-talk has an unworthiness theme, that’s important to process, too. Just because something didn’t work out (even something that you invested deeply in) doesn’t mean that you won’t find fulfillment and fit in your next chapter.

You’re not alone in your worries and pain as you move through a breakup or a layoff. The universality of the fallout from them offers a small element of comfort because, as with any loss, strong emotions tend to surface – that’s a tough part of being human. If you find that you’re not able to pull yourself out of either one of them or if you’d just like some extra support, we have experts on our team who specialize in both career coaching as well as breakup recovery work. [Meet Our Team]

All the best,

Maggie Graham, M.Ed., LPC, CPCC

Schedule Your Free Consultation Session

Meet in Person

Colorado • California • Texas

Meet Online

Across the US and Internationally

Top 5 Best Reasons For Leaving Your Job

Top 5 Best Reasons For Leaving Your Job

5 Ways to Determine If It’s Time to Leave Your Job

Most people daydream about a change in jobs now and again, but here are 5 ways to determine if it might be time to take the leap.

1. Make a list of all the things you like about your job.

No matter how unhappy my career coaching clients say they are in their current job, one of the first things I have them do is list the things that they enjoy, even if it’s a very short list and they can only honestly say, “the free coffee in the break room.” If their list of things they like is solely related to having a great boss, great benefits, and/or good co-workers rather than the actual work itself, that is very telling. Loving their work but not loving the corporate mission or its leadership is also important to figure out. Make an honest list and then keep that list in mind if you decide to go job-hunting, so you can recognize the things you like.

2. How do you feel on Sundays?

If you find yourself already dreading Monday’s return-to-work on Sundays, it might be time to rethink what you are doing. One of my executive coaching clients told me he started to feel that dread on Saturdays, because he knew he only had one more day before he had to return to a job he didn’t like. The ultimate goal is to be happy about what you get to do each day, and that your weekends are a time to truly relax and renew yourself. Keep in mind that it’s normal to have some ambivalence about jumping into the work week after an amazing weekend of fun, friends and family, but that’s different than the experience of actual dread.

3. You frequently browse jobs on places like Indeed and Linked In.

I get this one a lot from career coaching clients. They aren’t exactly sure what they’re looking for but they just want to “see what else is out there.” The problem is that if you don’t first clarify what you want, you end up with the “different job; same crap” problem and you’re back to job searching soon after. If you take the time to sort out what you really desire in your next job, you will be happy you took that time in the long run.

4. You keep hoping things will get better.

Sometimes, waiting things out is the smart thing to do. For instance, if you love your job overall, aside from one or two things, such as an overwhelming project, bad boss or annoying co-worker, it makes sense to give things a chance. Projects end, co-workers move on, and bad bosses may (hopefully) get fired. The key is to figure out where that tipping point is and your overall satisfaction. Did the project that ended get replaced by something equally undesirable; are you working too many hours per week despite being told things would “slow down,” or does your bad boss seem like they are settling in for the long haul? If the “waiting it out” is to the point that you feel you’re in danger of an ulcer or drinking problem, it might be time to leave.

5. You have thought about getting a career coach.

Many of my clients say they had considered getting a career coach at some point in the past due to work dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, too often people wait until they are really miserable in the jobs, and only look for a coach when either they feel they can’t take it anymore, or their work stress is impacting the quality of their relationships with their spouse, friends, and family. Ideally, you want to have a positive work/life balance, where you have plenty of energy and attention to give to the people you care about outside of work hours.

Is it Time to Make A Positive Change?

Think about the number of hours you spend each week at your job (2,080 per year for full-time work), and how many hours that adds up to over your lifetime. Life is too short to waste on something you aren’t passionate about, so if you are unhappy in your current job, do something about it. Many people don’t need a career coach if they already know what they want to do and how to get there, but others need more guidance or desire career assessments to determine their next path. Whatever you do, decide you want to be happy doing it, and get started!

Growing Self Counseling & Coaching