How Do You Heal, After An Affair?
In my experience, there is nothing more painful than discovering that your partner has been cheating on you. It is enormously stressful, painful, and all-consuming. Many couples struggle with infidelity, and how to rebuild the trust and security in their relationship after betrayal. Infidelity can happen on a spectrum, from “micro-cheating” to a long-term affair. When infidelity is discovered, it feels like it blows your life apart. This is true both person who has been betrayed, as well as the person who cheated (who may now feel not just terribly guilty, but afraid of losing the things most precious to them, too). However, what I know from many years of experience as a marriage counselor and a couple's therapist is that there IS a path back together again after infidelity. In fact, I strongly believe that couples have a grand opportunity when infidelity is uncovered, not to just “survive infidelity” but rather create a much stronger, happier, secure relationship than ever before.
More Than Just “Surviving Infidelity”
When an affair or infidelity is revealed, it sends a couple into a crisis. With the right support (and commitment, and courage, and persistence) a couple can use this crisis to get radically honest with each other and build their empathy, and compassion. Believe it or not, the last phases of healing after infidelity often include two people actually feeling safer and more emotionally connected with each other than they did previously.
How Do I Get Over An Affair?
I know it sounds hard to believe, but you can heal after infidelity, and stay together. You may not ever “get over” an affair, but you can certainly heal your relationship. It is also possible to rebuild the trust after infidelity. However…. getting past infidelity is an active process, for both partners. Time alone does not heal an affair. You cannot just “get over” infidelity. After you've been betrayed, you can't just flip a switch and put the past in the past, and trust your partner again. But you can heal, and you can trust again… when you're both doing the work of recovery, together.
Real Advice For Rebuilding Trust and Security, After An Affair
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing the ten crucial steps that every couple must take in order to repair their relationship after infidelity. I hope that this discussion creates a road-map for you to follow, as you work to reclaim your relationship, your trust, and your sense of security after an affair. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby