Should You Break Up or Stay Together?

Is there hope for your relationship? Can you work things out? Or is it time to cut your losses and move on? How do you know?

Normal Ambivalence

To have some ambivalence about your relationship once in awhile is normal. If you've just had a yucky feeling fight (as all couples sometimes do) it's natural to think about all the aspects of your partner that you don’t like, and fantasize about what your life would be like without them. But normally, these thoughts and feelings pass quickly. As soon as you repair the wound caused by the fight you can start appreciating them again, and feel just as sure about things as ever.

Deeper Doubts

But when you have repeated negative interactions over a period of time it starts to chip away at your commitment, and your trust. If problems keep coming up it can be easy to feel hopeless that things will ever improve. You may start to wonder if what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a solvable problem, or if it’s just the way that things are. (And if it's the latter, that it's a long-term reality you may unwilling to accept).

That pushes you into a space of indecision: Do you break up, or do you stay together? The real question is, “Can this change?”

Can This Change?

The truth is that many situations that couples feel genuinely overwhelmed by ARE solvable problems. They are an opportunity for personal growth, and a chance to deepen your relationship. (Just because you don't currently know how to fix it doesn't mean that it can't change.) And of course, there are some signs indicate deeper problems in a relationship.

On todays episode of the love, happiness and success podcast I’ll be talking about different common relationship situations and whether they are solvable problems or not. I'll share with you what I see, as a marriage counselor, as being deal breakers for a couple versus “growth moments” for a couple — plus some direction about what to do with each.

Listen now: Should We Break Up Or Stay Together?