Marriage Counseling OnlineLet’s Meet at Your Place.
Marriage Counseling Online • Relationship Coaching Online
By Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC
I specialize in online marriage counseling and relationship coaching. I meet with couples from all over the world, in the privacy of their own homes. We dive deep into the issues that are creating anger, hurt and frustration, and I help them turn conflict into connection, and restore their strong bond. The process is virtually identical to the great work we do in-office. (Learn more about our effective approach to marriage counseling…)
But one thing I’ve noticed is that couples who meet with me for relationship coaching or marriage counseling online tend to be even more successful in repairing their relationships than some of the couples we meet with in person. I think I understand the two reasons why.
1. Marriage Counseling Online: It’s About Time
The busy, working professionals we help are often frantically busy. Getting two people in the same place at the same time to sit down with me for marriage counseling is like wrestling a couple of Tasmanian Devils.
Work schedules are erratic, someone has to go out of town, it’s a street-fight with rush hour traffic during the after-hours times most couples need, and then there’s the babysitter situation. Who’s going to take care of the kids while mom and dad are gone for three hours? (Driving to the office, having the marriage counseling session and then coming home again?)
In short: It’s totally a pain for people to make it to in-person relationship coaching or marriage counseling consistently.
In-Person = Inconsistent: Inconsistent = Ineffective
So what too often happens is that even the most earnest and committed couples are forced to come to marriage counseling inconsistently. And that is a problem. Because usually (obviously) when couples start marriage counseling it’s because they are not in a good place.
When couples start marriage counseling they are often struggling against a cycle of negative reactions to each other. Someone takes offense to something someone else said or did, and reacts negatively, and then the other person reacts negatively to the first person’s negative reaction, which elicits more negativity.
I don’t have to explain — if you’ve been married for more than two weeks, you know what I’m talking about. At any rate, these negative cycles are powerful. They can take on a life of their own, and be difficult to stop without consistent support from a marriage counselor. This is especially true in the beginning stages of marriage counseling, when people are still reeling from not-so-great experiences and not sure they are emotionally safe with each other. Without regular meetings, negative cycles flare up between sessions and the fragile healing work that’s been accomplished is undone.
So ideally, people are able to come to marriage counseling weekly in the beginning. Having these regular appointments allows a couple to keep the new ideas they are learning in our sessions fresh in their mind, and they are having at least weekly, new, good experiences with each other that helps change the trajectory of their interactions. If I can meet with a couple weekly for even 8-12 weeks, ever week, I can help them make amazing, lasting changes to their marriage.
But if a couple comes in for 8 or 12 sessions over the course of six months, meeting once every couple weeks or three …not so much. In
the time between appointments the fragile changes I’m helping the couple make collapse back into the old negative patterns. Every session feels like starting over, and we spend half the time soothing new hurts before we can circle back around to the growth work again.
I explain it to people that marriage counseling appointments are kind of like telephone poles that are holding wires off the ground. Closer together poles keep the wires firm and high. Too much distance and they sag to the ground.
Marriage Counseling Online = Consistency… and Better Results
So that’s why online marriage counseling is so great. Meeting with me for marriage counseling online cuts through many of the obstacles that keep people from being able to attend regular sessions. The outcome is that, frankly, they have a more effective experience in marriage counseling online.
With marriage counseling online, you don’t have two people screaming out of work and fighting traffic to make it to the meeting (or have one person sitting on my couch alone, being annoyed that the other person is 15 minutes late for the session). You just go home, eat dinner, and then meet with me in your living room. If one person has to travel they’re included through a three way Skype call from their hotel room. You don’t need a baby sitter because we can schedule our meeting after the little guys are asleep in their rooms, or the bigger ones are extremely pleased that you’re having a “meeting” so they can watch a movie.
It’s just so much easier for couples to meet with me for marriage counseling online. So that’s my theory as to why online marriage counseling is becoming so popular in recent years.
2. Marriage Counseling Online: Emotional Intimacy
But there is another, even more important reason why online marriage counseling can be more effective than in-person marriage counseling. There is an even greater emotional intimacy between myself and the clients I work with online. People are relaxed, in their home environment — their safe place — instead of some office. I think that this creates more openness, and more natural interactions in our meetings.
Because I work with people both online and in person at our Denver offices, I have had the opportunity to notice the difference between how the same couples are in the office and at home. What I have found is that people seem to be more willing to be honest with each other, and able to be more vulnerable. They don’t have to worry about whether or not the receptionist knows if they’ve been crying when they leave.
Even more importantly they have more time to keep going after our session ends. They don’t have to screech off in two separate cars. They don’t have to rush to go pick up the kids. Instead they have time to continue talking about the important things that were coming up in our session. Better yet, they can start implementing the ideas and strategies we may have been talking about right away. Or they can both have some private time to journal or think about our session. Having this time after our meetings helps them get more out of the work.
Online Marriage Counseling: Anywhere In The World
International Marriage Counseling
Another great thing about online marriage counseling is that I’m able to meet with you no matter where in the world you are. Since I specialize in online counseling and coaching, the majority of my clients aren’t even in Colorado. They live across the nation, and internationally. I have clients from Dusseldorf to Dubai, and meet with more than a few “location independent” Tech Nomads — and I love it.
I work with many American Ex-Pats who are living overseas. Quite a few of my couples require online marriage counseling, online premarital counseling or relationship coaching because they are in long-distance relationships. How? Three way video conference calls.
While one of my personal limitations is that I can only work with English-speaking clients, I have another excellent marriage counselor on my team, Ari Kipnis, who is bilingual in English and Spanish. He’s available to meet with you for online marriage counseling in Spanish.
Online Marriage Counseling: The Limitations
Why isn’t everyone doing online marriage counseling? It’s perfect, right?
Actually no. There are very real limitations to online marriage counseling, and it’s not for everyone. For instance, people do need to have a certain degree of comfort with technology. They talk themselves out of trying online counseling or coaching because they think “they’ll be talking to a computer.” Many of these folks are pleasantly surprised by how easy it is, and how emotionally intimate it feels to be speaking to a warm, competent marriage counselor face-to-face in the privacy of their own living room. But still, for many people it’s new, they don’t know what to expect, and they may feel intimidated by the technology. Check out my Guide To Online Therapy if you want to learn more about the nuts-and-bolts of how it all works. Some people just cannot stand the idea of online meetings, and that is okay too.
Furthermore, there are situations where it really is better for you to work with a marriage counselor in person. When we meet with you for a free consultation, we’ll do an assessment to determine if your needs can be met through online marriage counseling / relationship coaching. If not, we will encourage you to meet with us at one of our Denver Metro locations, or connected to a marriage counselor who can meet with you locally if you live outside of Denver.
Tour an Online Marriage Counseling Virtual Office!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is trained as a Psychologist, a Marriage and Family Therapist, and is a Board Certified Life Coach. She is the Founder of Growing Self Counseling and Life Coaching in Denver, Colorado.
Dr. Bobby is the host of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love.”
Meet a Few Of Our Relationship Experts
The marriage counselors, couples therapists and premarital counselors of Growing Self have specialized training and years of experience in helping couples reconnect. We use only evidence based strategies that have been proven by research to help you restore your strong bond, and love your relationship again.
Hunter is an exceptionally warm, compassionate couples counselor and therapist who has specialized training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy as well as family systems. He helps individuals gain self-awareness and move past self-limiting patterns, and helps couples achieve deeper levels of communication, connection, and commitment. He can help you both to understand yourselves, and each other, so that you can create new, positive ways of relating that heal your bond.
Amanda is a Marriage Counselor, Premarital Counselor and Family Therapist with a warm, gentle style that will help you both feel comfortable, respected, and understood. She has a gift for helping couples and families understand each other compassionately, feel emotionally safe, and learn how to relate in positive new ways that allow them to start enjoying each other again.
Teresa Thomas is a marriage counselor and couples therapist with years of experience in helping couples communicate more effectively, find new solutions to old problems, repair their strong bond, rebuild trust after affairs, successfully blend families, improve their sexual intimacy, and parent joyfully together. She is a couples therapist and parenting coach with a positive, solution focused style who specializes in helping you both make positive changes to your life, as well as to your relationship.
Meagan Terry is a relationship specialist. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over nine years of experience in helping couples reconnect, and enjoy each other again. She uses effective, evidence based forms of marriage counseling including Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy and The Gottman Method. In addition to working one-on-one with couples, she teaches our Lifetime of Love premarital and relationship class.
M. A., LMFTC
Seth Bender is a marriage and family therapist with specialized training and experience in helping couples heal their relationships, improve communication, release resentments, and achieve new levels of enjoyment and fulfillment with each other. He practices Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help you strengthen your bond, as well as positive, empowering and solution focused coaching strategies to help you both take positive action in your relationship.
M. S., ASORC
Dori is a kind, empathetic couples counselor, individual therapist, and life coach who specializes in sex therapy, and helping couples create healthy emotional and sexual intimacy. Her friendly style makes it safe to talk about anything, and her solution-focused approach helps you move past the past, and into a bright new future of intimacy and connection.
Polly is a marriage counselor with over 25 years of experience in helping couples "come back from the brink," heal their strong bond, and enter into a positive and satisfying new chapter of life together. Her warm, competent style will put you both at ease and help you find new solutions to old problems.
What Our Clients Say:
Whether our encounters are on the phone, over email, in person, or via Skype, you created an environment where I feel comfortable, safe and valued. As a result, I learn to change the way I talk to myself and view the world, and gain the tools to “unstick” whenever I feel paralyzed. You helped me unearth happiness and contentment. It’s been a consistent driving force behind my personal discovery and growth.
– Former Clients
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Have More Questions About Marriage Counseling or Couples Therapy?
We Have Answers.
If you have more questions about Marriage Counseling, we are happy to answer them in person. Schedule a free consultation session with one of our expert marriage counselors today. You can meet with them at our Denver or Broomfield Colorado office locations, or through online video conferencing. Call 720-370-1800 for personal assistance in scheduling. (Our phones are answered 24/7). In a private, professional environment we can get to know each other, you can talk about your hopes for your relationship, and start moving forward together in mending your marriage.
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What Our Clients Say:
“You provided us such a safe place to be honest with ourselves and with each other our fear of being vulnerable and weak were transformed into a feeling of opportunity to be heard. My husband and I are better friends, parents, lovers and companions than we have ever been.”
– Former Clients