A couple argues on the couch representing signs your relationship is failing

All relationships have rough patches. But can you tell when your relationship is in serious trouble? Learn the signs your relationship is failing and how to repair your connection and get back on track.

Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing? 

If you don’t know the signs that a relationship is failing, it can be hard to tell the difference. All couples have conflict and points of disconnection, but some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial, while others can be cause for concern. As a longtime couples counselor, I can tell you that many people don’t understand the gravity of the issues in their relationships until it’s too late to resolve them. By the time they land on my couch, their emotional bond may have deteriorated so much that the best marriage counselor in the world couldn’t stitch it back together again. 

It is also true that some people in fundamentally healthy relationships feel a lot of anxiety about whether or not the ups and downs they’re experiencing with their partner are “normal.” They may believe that even minor disagreements are a sign that they’re not right for each other. Like being oblivious to problems, being overly alarmed by any point of friction in a relationship can create problems of its own, especially when it leads couples to avoid conflict at all costs.

I hope this article helps you understand the difference between a truly negative relationship cycle, and the healthy, normal conflict that is a part of every relationship. If you’d prefer to listen, I’ve also created an episode of the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast on this topic. You can find it at the bottom of this page, or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Why Relationships Fail 

We all begin relationships with good intentions and high hopes. But over time, differences begin to emerge. These could be differences in sexual desire, or worldviews, or in their love languages. It doesn’t really matter what the differences are, what matters is how couples address them. 

Some couples are skilled at having constructive conflicts that help their relationships grow. But many are not — not because of a flaw in either partner, but because they simply haven’t had the chance to develop the skills to have healthy conflict yet. When couples don’t have these skills, they can damage their relationships without realizing it. 

Here’s a common pattern that I’ve seen in marriage counseling many times: One partner who shuts down in conflict, while the other gets more passionate and intense in an effort to be heard. This turns into an exhausting pursue-withdraw cycle where nothing ever feels resolved. At this point, both partners start to develop negative narratives about each other to explain the problems they’re having, without being aware that they’re each playing a role in their relationship’s destruction.  

One partner, usually the one who has been trying to create change in the relationship (they may appear to ‘always’ be upset, critical, or argumentative), begins to lose hope that they’ll ever get through to their partner. The constant arguing may come to an abrupt and unexplained end, replaced with an icy silence. The couple will continue to grow farther apart until the relationship feels lonely and hollow. Eventually, they’ll reach the emotional “point of no return,” and someone will call it quits in the relationship.

The person who gets left usually doesn’t see it coming. From their perspective, things got better when the fighting stopped, so why is their partner suddenly done? At this point, the dumpee may feel highly motivated to get into couples therapy. But if their partner has already done the work of emotionally detaching from the relationship, it may be too late. 

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Signs That Your Relationship Is Failing

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Cycles like these can be tough to recognize when you’re in the midst of them. Here are some signs that your relationship is in serious trouble:

  1. Conflict has not been productive. 

It’s okay to fight — in fact, never fighting can also be a sign of problems. But conflict should always be emotionally safe, respectful, and productive. That means that, after an argument, you’re able to reach some kind of resolution that leads to positive change. 

This doesn’t mean that every issue should be getting fixed on the spot. Most differences require several conversations, and every couple has some differences that can never be fully resolved and will continue coming up throughout their relationships. But conflicts should still lead to greater connection, not disconnection. When it feels like you’re going around and around in a draining loop, then ending up back where you started, that’s a sign that your system for working through differences together has started breaking down, which is a red flag that your relationship is failing.

  1. Your attachment bond feels threatened

Our brains maintain our attachments to our romantic partners on a deep subconscious level. This part of your mind doesn’t speak to you in words, it speaks to you in visceral, gut-level feelings that warn you when something is amiss. You may not trust your partner, or that they have your best interests at heart. When your relationship is failing, you may begin worry that you can’t rely on them. You may sense that something has changed and they’re just not in this with you in the way that they used to be. 

If your relationship feels shaky on foundational levels, it’s important to get into good couples counseling sooner rather than later. When you catch this kind of disconnection before it’s too late, it’s still possible to heal your bond and reconnect.

  1. Stonewalling

As relationships fail, there is often one partner getting increasingly angry, which is usually their way of trying to fix the relationship before it falls apart. The other partner only knows that their partner seems irrational and a little scary, and so begins shutting them out. This may look like avoiding their partner, avoiding important conversations, refusing to respond or even physically leaving the room when conflict arises. 

From the stonewalling partner’s perspective, they’re doing the best they can to not make the problems in the relationship worse. But their partner feels invalidated, and begins to believe that the non-communicative partner just doesn’t care. This hastens a relationship’s demise, which is why relationship expert Dr. John Gottman calls stonewalling one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

  1. Negative narratives take hold

When a relationship is failing, it’s really hard for any of us to see the role that we’re playing in that. It’s much easier to look outward at all of your partner’s “issues” to explain what’s going on. This is human nature, letting negative narratives about each other take root can ruin all of the love and respect in your relationship for good. It fundamentally changes the emotional climate of the relationship so that it won’t feel good for you to be together, even when you’re “getting along.” 

If you start telling yourself a story about how your partner is selfish, they have poor character, they’re irresponsible, emotionally immature, hopelessly avoidant, or an irredeemable narcissist, that’s a sign your relationship will likely fail unless something changes. 

As an aside, some people really do have deep character issues that make having a healthy relationship difficult. This is not intended to negate that reality, just to make you aware that, when a relationship is failing, it’s very common to begin believing that’s what’s going on when that’s not the case. 

  1. The fighting stops

If you were arguing constantly and then the fighting suddenly stops for no apparent reason, that can be a sign that you’re nearing the end of your relationship. Conflict in relationships is an effort to create change — to get your needs met, and to feel understood, respected, cared for, appreciated, and loved. But after months or years of unproductive fights, people start to burn out. If your partner stops fighting with you and starts saying things like, “Sure, whatever you want. I don’t care,” they may be giving up on making your relationship better and starting to disengage. 

What to Do When Your Relationship Is Failing

As a marriage counselor, I believe that relationship rough patches are actually the path to growth. We don’t grow when we’re comfortable — we grow when we’re challenged to grow. If you lean into this difficult time and turn toward your partner, you can create a more connected, fulfilling, intimate connection than you’ve ever hard.

But there are some stubborn patterns that, when present in a relationship, must be snuffed out… and fast. You can either grow together, or grow apart. If not remedied, the last stop on this train is a breakup or divorce (or bitter, lonely cohabitation).

You don’t want that, and you don’t have to accept it — and if you’re here reading this, then there is still hope for your relationship. Working with a good couples counselor helps you break these harmful patterns and restore your emotional bond. If you or your partner are already feeling ambivalent about staying together, discernment counseling is your best bet. The discernment process helps you get clear about your motivation to create change, and what the path to repair would look like for you and your partner. Then, you can make a clear-eyed decision about the future of your relationship.

With the right support, it is possible to pull a failing relationship back from the brink. If you’d like to do this valuable work with a Growing Self couples counselor, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.

With Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

Music in this episode is by Swan Lake with their song “Hand at Dusk.” Under the circumstance of use of music, each portion of used music within this current episode fits under Section 107 of the Copyright Act, i.e., Fair Use. Please refer to copyright.gov if further questions are prompted.

Citations

  1. Lantagne A, Furman W, Novak J. “Stay or Leave”: Predictors of Relationship Dissolution in Emerging Adulthood. Emerg Adulthood. 2017 Aug;5(4):241-250. doi: 10.1177/2167696817699750. Epub 2017 Mar 29. PMID: 30637181; PMCID: PMC6329602.
  2. Rokach A, Chan SH. Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023 Feb 22;20(5):3904. doi: 10.3390/ijerph20053904. PMID: 36900915; PMCID: PMC10002055.

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38 Comments

  1. I need to figure out how to stop shutting down, because it’s leaking into my relationship in a negative way. Could you help?

    1. Hi Me’Leeza. Great question you bring up, and I think it’s one that a lot of people struggle with. Often when people find themselves “shutting down” it’s because they have had intense feelings triggered by things. They shut down or withdraw as a way of coping with the big emotions. The good news is that it is absolutely possible to overcome these patterns through a combination of cognitive techniques and emotion regulation skills. These are included in the skills I teach in my online “Happiness Class.” I hope you check it out. All the best, LMB

  2. I need to find a way to help my husband be more open & communicate with me instead of him instantly getting angry, defensive and ultimately shutting down. When I try to talk to him about something that is bothering me, he gets mad at me, he gets extremely defensive and finds things irrelevant to the topic to throw in my fave to try and turn it on me, and then he shuts down, no more communication. Its frustrating, exhausting and has left me feeling that my feelings don’t matter to him and I no longer want to open up to him because I know how its going to end. I love my husband more than anything in this world, 7 years we’ve been together and this is honestly our #1 biggest issue. Please, please help us.

    1. Karah, what a tough situation! Thank you for your question. I’m preparing a follow up episode to my “How to Communicate” podcast series, and I’ll address your question. Stay tuned! LMB

    2. I told my husband that he doesn’t spend end enough time with his family nor does he spend time with his son (from a previous relationship). Told him he needs to stop hanging out a be a father and he has not talk to me in a week. I also meationed to him that he puts his friends before our relationship. Since that day he has slept in the spare room and has not said a word to me I reached out but he won’t respond at all. How do I turn this around or is he just over he relationship? He will not communicate with me at all he gets defensive and iterated when ever I ask him questions… I don’t know how to proceed… she we just let it go?

  3. We have not had sex in one year he has no interest in sex but I have found him having webcam sex what is our problem I’m not feeling like I can trust him anymore

    1. Tammie, thanks for getting in touch with this concern. I can understand how this would feel terrible for you, and how your partner’s behavior would damage your trust in him and negatively impact many aspects of your relationship. I did a podcast a while back entitled, “What To Do When Your Partner Has a Problem” that may resonate with you, and provide some direction. My ultimate hope for you is that your partner might be open to attending couples counseling with you in order to address this issue directly. If he’s not open to it, you might consider meeting with someone individually, ideally a counselor with a background in sex therapy who is “AASECT Certified.” (That means they have had years of specialized training, supervision and experience specifically in sex therapy.) Good luck with things… LMB

  4. It is both a relief and a very sad realization to hear that : it really feels like you’ve described my relationship and that has made me feel less lonely and less like a failure. Thank you for your insight, your knowledge and your voice are very soothing ! =)

  5. My fiancee and I have known each other for 21 years. Before we actually started dating we would talk about anything and everything. Then I found out 6 months into our relationship that in the very beginning him and a female had exchanged nude photos back and forth. They had never met in person. Ever since then he has shutdown. He won’t talk about anything but family and work. I need some major advice.

    1. Hi April, thank you for reaching out. My advice to you is to get some professional relationship help, in the form of premarital counseling or relationship coaching in order to figure out 1) what the heck is going on and 2) if it can be resolved and 3) whether or not you should continue planning a life with this person or not. I know that it can be so hard to consider ending a relationship that is moving towards marriage, but it would be much, much better for you to figure this out now rather than later. If you’re finance is refusing to communicate with you, and who has a history of cheating on you it’s bad… but having your husband, the father of your children, and the person you co-own real-estate and retirement accounts refusing to communicate with you and possibly cheating on you is worse.

      Not trying to scare you here, I do not know what is going on underneath the hood of this particular relationship. But it sounds like, neither do you. And you must, before you get married. If you are interested in continuing a relationship with this person, please start premarital counseling. Here is the link if you’d like to have a free consultation with one of the premarital counselors on our team here at Growing Self. But whether or not you do this work here, I really hope you do. All the best, Lisa Marie Bobby

  6. Hi Dr. Bobby
    This has been an absolute saver for me! I have never heard my experience explained so succinctly. I am definitely a pursuer and have really tried my best to communicate in a loving way to my husband. I have been so vulnerable about my loneliness and pain, but it seems to fall on deaf ears – or the penny doesn’t seem to drop. My question is where to from here? I feel myself slipping into the stage of ‘vilifying’ /perceive myself partner as being incapable of loving. Although we seem to resolve it with each incident it adds up. As you say, it becomes the norm.
    We’ve been together for 11 years, married for 2, and have a 1,5 year old son. I have hope we can resolve this but just don’t know how. Is marriage counseling the only way to go? How do I convince my partner that this is necessary? He seems to not think it necessary when things go ‘back to normal.’

    1. Thank you for reaching out with your question. What I’m hearing is that you have good awareness about the patterns in your relationship, which is great… but that those patterns seem entrenched, are damaging your relationship, and that nothing seems to help. I know from my experience as a marriage counselor and couples therapist that these patterns do not get better without effort, but they often get worse.

      For the sake of not just your marriage but your family and your son, I would strongly encourage you to make the first appointment for couples therapy and start the work. (Whether or not your husband is 100% in love with the idea.) If you connect with a good, professional, qualified couples therapist who uses an evidence-based approach to marriage counseling, he or she can help him see the value in this. It’s not going to be you two just rehashing the same old things: There will be a coherent plan, and activities that lead to progress and improvement. Also, meeting with a professional couples counselor can also help him feel heard, understood, and respected, and clear that the path of change involves both of you – not just him.

      Here are some more resources for you:

      “What to Do When Your Partner Refuses Marriage Counseling”

      and

      “How To Find a Marriage Counselor.”

      I hope these help you. If you decide that you’d like to pursue online couples therapy or online marriage counseling with one of the experts on our team here at Growing Self, the first step would be to schedule your free consultation meeting to discuss your goals and make sure it’s a good fit. (That in itself might be an easier thing for your husband to agree to. Then if he feels comfortable with it, you can move forward).

      Wishing you all the best,
      Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

  7. I need to figure out how to stop shutting down, because it’s leaking into my relationship in a negative way. Could you help?

  8. Hi Me’Leeza. Great question you bring up, and I think it’s one that a lot of people struggle with. Often when people find themselves “shutting down” it’s because they have had intense feelings triggered by things. They shut down or withdraw as a way of coping with the big emotions. The good news is that it is absolutely possible to overcome these patterns through a combination of cognitive techniques and emotion regulation skills. These are included in the skills I teach in my online “Happiness Class.” I hope you check it out. All the best, LMB

  9. I need to find a way to help my husband be more open & communicate with me instead of him instantly getting angry, defensive and ultimately shutting down. When I try to talk to him about something that is bothering me, he gets mad at me, he gets extremely defensive and finds things irrelevant to the topic to throw in my fave to try and turn it on me, and then he shuts down, no more communication. Its frustrating, exhausting and has left me feeling that my feelings don’t matter to him and I no longer want to open up to him because I know how its going to end. I love my husband more than anything in this world, 7 years we’ve been together and this is honestly our #1 biggest issue. Please, please help us.

  10. Karah, what a tough situation! Thank you for your question. I’m preparing a follow up episode to my “How to Communicate” podcast series, and I’ll address your question. Stay tuned! LMB

  11. I told my husband that he doesn’t spend end enough time with his family nor does he spend time with his son (from a previous relationship). Told him he needs to stop hanging out a be a father and he has not talk to me in a week. I also meationed to him that he puts his friends before our relationship. Since that day he has slept in the spare room and has not said a word to me I reached out but he won’t respond at all. How do I turn this around or is he just over he relationship? He will not communicate with me at all he gets defensive and iterated when ever I ask him questions… I don’t know how to proceed… she we just let it go?

  12. We have not had sex in one year he has no interest in sex but I have found him having webcam sex what is our problem I’m not feeling like I can trust him anymore

  13. I appreciate all these wonderful questions, and look forward to addressing them on my upcoming “relationship questions” podcast. Stay tuned!

  14. Tammie, thanks for getting in touch with this concern. I can understand how this would feel terrible for you, and how your partner’s behavior would damage your trust in him and negatively impact many aspects of your relationship. I did a podcast a while back entitled, “What To Do When Your Partner Has a Problem” that may resonate with you, and provide some direction. My ultimate hope for you is that your partner might be open to attending couples counseling with you in order to address this issue directly. If he’s not open to it, you might consider meeting with someone individually, ideally a counselor with a background in sex therapy who is “AASECT Certified.” (That means they have had years of specialized training, supervision and experience specifically in sex therapy.) Good luck with things… LMB

  15. you choose some awesome music for your podcasts- you should make a soundtrack…I’d buy it!

  16. It is both a relief and a very sad realization to hear that : it really feels like you’ve described my relationship and that has made me feel less lonely and less like a failure. Thank you for your insight, your knowledge and your voice are very soothing ! =)

  17. My fiancee and I have known each other for 21 years. Before we actually started dating we would talk about anything and everything. Then I found out 6 months into our relationship that in the very beginning him and a female had exchanged nude photos back and forth. They had never met in person. Ever since then he has shutdown. He won’t talk about anything but family and work. I need some major advice.

  18. Hi April, thank you for reaching out. My advice to you is to get some professional relationship help, in the form of premarital counseling or relationship coaching in order to figure out 1) what the heck is going on and 2) if it can be resolved and 3) whether or not you should continue planning a life with this person or not. I know that it can be so hard to consider ending a relationship that is moving towards marriage, but it would be much, much better for you to figure this out now rather than later. If you’re finance is refusing to communicate with you, and who has a history of cheating on you it’s bad… but having your husband, the father of your children, and the person you co-own real-estate and retirement accounts refusing to communicate with you and possibly cheating on you is worse.

    Not trying to scare you here, I do not know what is going on underneath the hood of this particular relationship. But it sounds like, neither do you. And you must, before you get married. If you are interested in continuing a relationship with this person, please start premarital counseling. Here is the link if you’d like to have a free consultation with one of the premarital counselors on our team here at Growing Self. But whether or not you do this work here, I really hope you do. All the best, Lisa Marie Bobby

  19. Hi Dr. Bobby
    This has been an absolute saver for me! I have never heard my experience explained so succinctly. I am definitely a pursuer and have really tried my best to communicate in a loving way to my husband. I have been so vulnerable about my loneliness and pain, but it seems to fall on deaf ears – or the penny doesn’t seem to drop. My question is where to from here? I feel myself slipping into the stage of ‘vilifying’ /perceive myself partner as being incapable of loving. Although we seem to resolve it with each incident it adds up. As you say, it becomes the norm.
    We’ve been together for 11 years, married for 2, and have a 1,5 year old son. I have hope we can resolve this but just don’t know how. Is marriage counseling the only way to go? How do I convince my partner that this is necessary? He seems to not think it necessary when things go ‘back to normal.’

  20. Thank you for reaching out with your question. What I’m hearing is that you have good awareness about the patterns in your relationship, which is great… but that those patterns seem entrenched, are damaging your relationship, and that nothing seems to help. I know from my experience as a marriage counselor and couples therapist that these patterns do not get better without effort, but they often get worse.

    For the sake of not just your marriage but your family and your son, I would strongly encourage you to make the first appointment for couples therapy and start the work. (Whether or not your husband is 100% in love with the idea.) If you connect with a good, professional, qualified couples therapist who uses an evidence-based approach to marriage counseling, he or she can help him see the value in this. It’s not going to be you two just rehashing the same old things: There will be a coherent plan, and activities that lead to progress and improvement. Also, meeting with a professional couples counselor can also help him feel heard, understood, and respected, and clear that the path of change involves both of you – not just him.

    Here are some more resources for you:

    “What to Do When Your Partner Refuses Marriage Counseling”

    and

    “How To Find a Marriage Counselor.”

    I hope these help you. If you decide that you’d like to pursue online couples therapy or online marriage counseling with one of the experts on our team here at Growing Self, the first step would be to schedule your free consultation meeting to discuss your goals and make sure it’s a good fit. (That in itself might be an easier thing for your husband to agree to. Then if he feels comfortable with it, you can move forward).

    Wishing you all the best,
    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

  21. Greetings from TX,

    I just listened to your postcast and with tears rolling down my face, I can say you were preaching to the choir. Thecisdueci am going through with the love of my life, is that I recently suddenly lost my mother, a day after we both video chatted with her. She was well and the next day gone. I am just now feeling her absence and I am just sad and one would say grieving. It helps me heal when I talk about my feelings, but he flat out told me I need to get it together as he doesn’t like me talking about it. He says he’s trying to respect my feelings but me talking about it, isn’t helping. I found myself apologizing as I thought he had been here before, he too lost his mother dome 4yrs ago and I though he could be strong for me, but instead I felt dismissed, shut down and really he just didn’t show me love. It’s been 5 days now that we haven’t spoken or seen each other. I am sad, angry, hurt not only with the death of my dear mother, but now this too with him. He doesn’t like to talk things over, instead he just says I don’t want to talk about it and that’s how things are fixed. I don’t know that I want to continue dealing with the non existing communication. I don’t feel safe or loved. I’m hurting and he gould careless. I traveled to put mom to rest have been back 2wks now and I only saw him once since I’ve been back.
    He sent me a text to ask if I got some rest, when I responded with ” not really, I’m missing mom, I thought I had closure, but I can’t help but long for her, I don’t have much of an appetite “. He shut me down with ” oh youvteally need to get it together, I don’t like hearing this, i’m sure you have noticed that I ignore you when you bring these things up “. That was the last time we ever had dialog.
    Where did I go wrong? I feel alone grieving for my mom, and the man I thought loved me as much as I love him, is not present. I need him more now than ever but instead he’s just shut down. I don’t understand.
    I am angry, hurt, sad & so disappointed.

  22. I have a question… I feel my relationship is failing due to communication failure.. one issue is respect.. when we’re out he is always looking at other women… I’ve brought it up, calmly, and he explodes…denies it, the whole bit. I’ve explained to him it’s not out of jealousy or insecurity, rather than respect.. when I’m out with him I’d like to feel like I’m the woman who has his attention.. not the fool holding his hand as we stroll around and he’s looking at others. I don’t care if he’s looking when I’m not around.. I look too, But not when we’re out together, out of respect to him. This whole issue just infuriates me.

  23. I want to have a conversation with my husband when an issue arises but he won’t have a conversation. He immediately says i didn’t do anything wrong, if I try to talk to him he yells, doesn’t listen and won’t agree any issues at all. Not even if you wait an hour,a day or a week. The issue of not having a conversation is huge. Even for the simple normal conversations he doesn’t let me finish my sentences and when I am talking to him ( maybe sharing my day) he interrupts in the middle of my sentence about something completely different. I ask if he heard me and he says he did but I truly feel it’s rude to interrupt and not even respond like it doesn’t matter what I have to say. I need help because I can’t keep a marriage together by self. If we have a disagreement, he won’t talk about it, he just pretends nothing happened and won’t address any issue. Help feeling very one sided.

  24. Hi Sherri, this sounds so difficult. In a healthy relationship, there is safety, respect, and trust. These are the foundations of communication. I think you’ll get a lot of validation and insight from “10 Signs of a Toxic Relationship Everyone Should Know,” “Unhealthy Relationships,” and “Signs of a Healthy Relationship.” I wish I could help more, here, but think you would get a lot out of meeting with a therapist who could give you more one-on-one support. xoxo, Lisa

  25. Oh Nina, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom, but also for the double-trauma you experienced: Her traumatic passing, and also the trauma of feeling abandoned and rejected by the person you were counting on to be there for you in your time of greatest need. I am so sorry. Here is a podcast that really helped me when I lost my mom a couple of years ago, on “Life After Loss.”

    I will also say that it takes a long time to get to know people, and it’s only by going through life for awhile with a person that you get a close-up view of who they are and how they operate. You learned that the person you were with is callous, emotionally rejecting, and not a safe person to have in your life. I know it’s disappointing and hurtful to realize this, but I can assure you that this is actually who he is — not something you created. I know it’s hurtful, but trust me: This is a really, really good thing to know before you start buying real-estate and having babies together. I am glad you found out, so that you were prevented from continuing to move forward with a person who would have been a terrible life partner long term. Maybe your angel was looking out for you there Nina. 🙂 xoxo

  26. Christine, thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry that this is happening, and I can understand how it would feel really upsetting. I think most people would feel the same in your position. Here are a couple of resources for you: Is Jealousy Healthy in a Relationship? (Short answer, frequently yes). I will also add that sometimes there is an even greater sensitivity to these kinds of behaviors if you’ve had bad experiences with people in the past. I don’t know if that may or may not be true for you, but you might also listen to this podcast I have about “trust issues,” just to see if any of it resonates with you.

    But either way, the issue here is not the looking. The issue is that your partner is invalidating your feelings in a way that feels really hurtful to you. I hope that if you listen to this podcast about “Feeling Invalidated in Your Relationship” it may help him develop increased understanding of the damage being caused by defensiveness.

    Thanks for reaching out Christine. I hope these resources help you, and I hope this turns into a “growth moment” for your relationship.

    Best,
    Dr. Lisa

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