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Why You Keep Falling in Love With The Wrong Person

Why You Keep Falling in Love With The Wrong Person

Do you attract the wrong people? Do you keep having toxic relationships?

If so, you’re not alone.

You’d be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual therapy, or dating coaching hoping to achieve one goal: Having a healthy relationship. (And how to stop getting involved in unhealthy ones).

They show up to therapy or life coaching because they have, over time (or after the latest heartbreaking breakup) become aware that they are engaging in “non-ideal relationship patterns,” over and over again. They keep getting involved with narcissists, or people who treat them badly. They keep choosing emotionally unavailable men, or aggressive / controlling women. Whatever the sad pattern is, they want it to stop.

Above all else, they want to work on themselves to heal, grow, and ensure that NEXT time they get involved with someone they can love and be loved in a healthy relationship with a good person. And so we dig in.

Identifying Your Blind Spots

The first stop in figuring out why you keep choosing the wrong man or wrong woman is uncovering what unconscious motivations are driving your choices. Getting outside help in understanding your toxic relationship patterns can be a wise move, because of the entirely subconscious nature of the problem.  You don’t consciously choose bad relationships — no one does. You choose what feel  in the moment, are good relationships…. and then wind up having bad experiences. (That are often mysteriously, eerily similar to the past experiences you thought you were trying to avoid).

Unhealthy relationship patterns can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it’s old, unfinished emotional business from the past. Other times, your self-esteem or feelings of self-worth can get in the way. Yet other times, the root of the problem is imbedded in way you communicate or set boundaries with others. Because you are a complex, unique, individual, your truth will not be exactly the same as everyone else’s.

Avoiding Toxic Relationships

However, there is one very common thing that most people have done at least once, and which will almost always lead to heartbreak: Falling victim to “Black Hat Love.” Learning how to spot the one fatal factor that makes you most vulnerable to getting involved in toxic relationships can help you stop the madness, and finally create the happy, healthy relationship you’re longing for.

And that’s what I’ll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Have follow up questions for me? Leave them in the comments!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Why You Keep Falling in Love With The Wrong Person (And How to Stop)

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: “Bad Love,” by So Brown

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The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast is Now on Stitcher!

Singles in America: The Research is IN

Singles in America: The Research is IN

What’s the only thing better than free dating advice??

Evidence-Based Free Dating Advice

Valentine’s Day is once again upon us. If you’re single and ready to meet your soul mate, I have a special present for you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Some fantastic evidence-based dating advice from relationship researcher, and Match.com scientific advisor Dr. Justin Garcia.

Dr. Garcia, along with evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher, have just released their latest batch of research from their ongoing “Singles in America” research study. They have some fascinating new data about what singles are really looking for, what’s most important to them, and what some of their biggest turn-off’s are. His dating advice can help you seriously “up your game” when it comes to dating.

No doubt modern dating can be challenging, but as with all things knowledge is power. If you educate yourself about the realities of the dating game, learn how to play up your most attractive qualities, and are mindful of the common dating mistakes that can turn people off you’ve already got a huge advantage.

Random dating research tidbits that can make or break a first date:

Did you know that 66% of all singles surveyed reported that having their date send a text while they were together was a major turn off? That number gets bumped up to 75% if you answer a call while you’re out! And you won’t even believe what your dates really think about your cracked phone screen…

Listen to my interview with Dr. Garcia to learn:

  • What do men really think about women who are go-getters?
  • What are modern singles really looking for in a partner?
  • What people really think about first-date s-e-x?
  • And so much more…

You’ll get great love advice and learn the easy things you can do (or even more importantly — avoid doing!) to increase the odds that next Valentine’s Day you’ll be snuggling with your sweetie. If you’d like even more specific advice to help you master the art of modern dating, get instant access to our new “Find The One” online dating coaching program.

xoxo, LMB
www.growingself.com

Singles in America: The Latest Dating "Do's & Don'ts," With Dr. Justin Garcia

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: “Playgirl,” by Ladytron

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The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast is Now on Stitcher!

Free Advice From a Dating Coach: The Surprising Key To Finding Love

Free Advice From a Dating Coach: The Surprising Key To Finding Love

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Are you completely frustrated with online dating?

Have you been wasting time on endless messaging that goes nowhere? Are you going out with people who look good on paper, but feel “meh” in person? Do you meet promising people only to have them vanish on you? It can be hard to keep up your hope that online dating actually works, and that you are ever going to connect with the love of your life.

There is a reason why dating coaches and dating consultants are popping up online like mushrooms after a rain: Modern dating is challenging. Lots of people are hating dating, but gritting their teeth and doing it anyway in hopes of finding love.

Here is some free dating advice that could change everything for you:

Believe it or not, there is ONE thing that you can do that will give you a huge advantage over everyone else out there dating. One mindset, one strategy, that can make you addictively attractive to everyone you meet, infuse your first dates with exciting energy, and captivate the attention of your ideal partner.

Even better? The byproduct of this novel “dating” strategy is going to be a happier, healthier, more genuinely satisfied YOU — no matter what is going on in your love life. Not only will dating start to feel productive, but you’ll also enjoy it more. Read my latest article on the Match.com blog to get the unusual dating tip that will make dating fun again, and make YOU the unicorn that everyone is looking for…

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Free Dating Advice: Vegas Buffet Style

Free Dating Advice: Vegas Buffet Style

Everything you ever wanted to know about successful modern dating. And so. much. more.

Curious to know the best Tinder lines?
Or how to be interesting (but not weird) when you’re starting an online conversation?
What about how to gracefully brush off a mis-match in the early stages?
Look no further than DatingAdvice.com. This website has over a million monthly visitors, and brings together free advice from dating experts all over the world (including my pal Dating Coach Julie Spira). It is the dating advice website equivalent of a Las Vegas buffet: Everything you ever wanted, including information you didn’t even know you needed until you saw it in front of you.

Anticipating the needs of another is elevated to an art by the very best curators, chefs and editors who seem to know your needs better than you do, always bringing you exactly the right thing at the perfect time. So when the prescient editors of the site recently reached out to me, interested in doing a feature piece on Growing Self’s approach to Love, Life and Career Coaching, I was beyond flattered.

Our holistic approach to coaching is being noticed because we offer comprehensive help to our clients in much the same way: anticipating their needs in various domains of life. We believe that good coaching involves a whole person approach that supports people through all stages of their lives. From figuring out who you are, to identifying (and overcoming) unhelpful patterns in the way you approach life, to establishing healthy relationships, to keeping a marriage healthy and strong, to performing at your highest levels in your career, and negotiating major life transitions like letting go of an unhealthy relationship, getting married, or becoming a family... we’re here for you.

We do so much because we know that you don’t climb the peak of one mountain and then stop. You climb to the top, and look around to see what’s next– a new adventure, a new goal, or a more actualized level of being. There is always the next level: after the engagement, after the move, after the promotion, or after the birth, life shifts — and you shift with it. You are constantly growing and evolving.

More importantly, you are not a one dimensional, singularly-focused person with only one important thing in your life. You are a fellow traveler on the path of a fuller, richer, happier life and we both know that your “success” is much deeper than a title or a paycheck. You care about the quality of your experiences, the legacy you leave behind, and are willing to invest in a life worth having. When you don’t have all the answers (and who does?) you’re smart enough to enlist the support of a wise guide who has gone through this particular patch of terrain before.

I just wanted to say thank you for trusting us to help you competently, with the most important things in your life: Your marriage, your relationships, your career, your family, and yourself. We work hard every day to make sure that our clients have great experiences with us — in the easiest, most convenient, and affordable way possible. My goal is for every client who ends their work with us to say, “That was one of the best things I’ve ever done.” And I’m so pleased to be recognized for our efforts by the internet powerhouse DatingAdvice.com.

I sense a kindred spirit in DatingAdvice.com. The breadth of the information they have to offer is enormous, and it’s all free. They have authors, experts, and columnists who give their best advice on all things dating. Whether you want tips on how to take a better profile photo, or how to craft a personal statement that is truly you, or how to negotiate the delicate first steps of what may be the most important “dance” of your life — you’ll find it at DatingAdvice.com.

How To Find “The One” This Year

How To Find “The One” This Year

 

 

Is “Be in a Fantastic Relationship” Your #1 Resolution?

You’re in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life in the New Year.

I wanted to do a podcast on this subject right now because we are quickly approaching DATING SEASON. Yes, there is such a thing. In fact, there are people all over Denver just like you who endured well intentioned questions from their grandma about when they were going to “settle down,” mingled at holiday parties without their +1, and wished they had someone to smooch under the mistle-toe. Right about now they’re all firing up their laptops, scrolling through possible profile photos, and wracking their brains for a pithy opener for their profile statement.

And maybe one of them is the ONE you’ve been hoping to meet. But how? You’ve been on dates, you’ve been trying to meet people, and it hasn’t been working out. It can take a toll on your self esteem, and raise your anxiety. Dating can ratchet you back up to Junior-High era levels of self consciousness — even if you’re poised and self confident in every other area of your life.

Modern dating can be rough.

Here’s the thing about dating: You have to have a strategy. You have to have insight, self awareness, clarity and a PLAN that will help you not just make a good first impression, but turn a great first date into a fantastic relationship. It’s a tall order, and one fraught with possible hazards.

So — help is here. On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m enlisting the support of my Growing Self team-mate and expert dating coach Jessica Small to answer all your dating “how to” questions.

We’re giving you actionable advice that will help you get better results in your dating life. We’ll also be talking through questions like:

  • What’s the biggest dating mistake you’re making before you even go out on a first date?
  • What are things you can do to make it a great first date… that leaves them wanting more of you?
  • How can putting a priority on “chemistry” distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?
  • What’s going on with people who just disappear, and “ghost” you after the first date?
  • How to balance being selective enough to meet people you’re attracted to, without being so selective that you’ve got no “matches.”

All these questions and many more are answered on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast. Be prepared to take notes!

How to “Find the One” in 2016: Listen Now

 

Music Credits: Shocking Blue, “Send Me a Postcard”

 

Growing Self Counseling & Coaching