Find Your Focus: 7 Simple Steps to Your Dream Career

Find Your Focus: 7 Simple Steps to Your Dream Career

Find Your Focus: 7 Simple Steps to Your Dream Career

Be Prepared…Even In A Crisis

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As an Online Career Coach, Clients are asking me, “Are companies hiring now?” The answer is definitely, Yes! Companies are still hiring AND it is true that the future of the job market is a big unknown right now. If you want to get ahead, you need to find your focus now.

The truth is, many companies and a lot of industries will suffer, while others will still grow and continue to hire. As people begin to recognize the thriving companies, competition will drastically increase. It’s important to find your focus now and get ahead of the competition

To assist you on this journey, I have put together my 7 Simple Steps to Your Dream Career, but first, I want to discuss how to find your focus while job searching, working from home, and preparing for your next career move.

Find Your Focus – While Job Searching

The best thing you can do is be proactive. To find your focus while job searching, here are 3 key things you can do to get ahead and take charge of your job search.

  1. Target industries and companies that are growing despite the outbreak
  2. Be proactive by leveraging Linkedin to increase visibility and network online
  3. Be polite and persistent with your follow-ups and show empathy during the interview process

Find Your Focus – While Working From Home

If you are working from home and adjusting to a virtual work culture and wondering, “How do I get motivated and stay productive?” My answer is, “First, give yourself some grace, as you adjust to a remote work environment, which requires flexibility and adaptability.”

To find your focus while working from home, recreate your day by breaking it into three blocks of time. For example, Morning (from the time you wake up until Noon), Afternoon (Noon – 5pm), and Evening (5pm until the time you go to bed). 

Focus on managing only one block at a time by identifying your work responsibilities as well as your personal needs. Do your best to pace yourself and create balance. If you don’t get something done, let it go so you don’t fall into the habit of carrying it with you for the rest of your day or week. 

If you would like more advice on working from home, read: Working from Home: Be More Productive & Meet Your Deadlines!

Find Your Focus – While Preparing For Your Next Career Move

Here is how you can find your focus if you are unemployed, laid off, furloughed and wondering, “What do I do now?”

My answer is, “Once you have secured your unemployment benefits, turn your attention to the things that are within your control.”

Focus on things you can control right now in your job search, not on the things you can not. 

Things You Can Control:

Take action. Continue to develop and manage your job search action plan. Don’t yet have one? Now is the time to create one. Assign activities and for each day/week and work to address them systematically leaving room for adjustment as needed.

Prepare. A robust job search revolves around preparation. Take advantage of quieter times to reassess and update career tools, do research, or make virtual outreach with connections. 

Commitment. No need to take your foot off the gas, unless of course, circumstances warrant it (you fall ill or have other pressing family needs). Avoid distractions or an urge to sit back and wait. Remaining on top of job search tasks and outreach may put you at an advantage.

Emotions. If you are starting to feel overly anxious or overwhelmed, reach out for help. Speak to a licensed therapist or career coach about how you are feeling and take a break. It is healthy to build breaks into your job search activities (go for a walk, read a good book, listen to music, take a nap).

7 Simple Steps To Your Dream Career

Regardless of the unique situation you find yourself in, we are all dealing with a heightened level of stress, anxiety and uncertainty that not only impacts our livelihood, but also our health, safety, and general well-being.

There’s a TON of information circulating in the media – some good, some bad, some true, some false and it can feel overwhelming to say the least. When overwhelmed we can easily become paralyzed and do nothing, or do things that just aren’t productive or helpful in caring for ourselves and our future. 

As a licensed mental health professional and online career coach, I am not immune to the stress and anxiety that is fueling many of our reactions and decisions during these uncertain times. However, I am grateful for my coping skills and career tools to help me channel this frenetic energy into creating resources for my clients so that they can THRIVE! 

With that said, I have compiled 7 Simple Steps to Your Dream Career that I hope will boost your spirits, help you take charge during this time of crisis, and find your focus again. 

Slow Down, Re-evaluate, And Find Clarity

This pandemic is forcing us to use the resources we have in a creative way as we are pushed out of our comfort zones. This can bring to light new opportunities and ways of doing things that are more aligned with our strengths and values.

Get clear on the value you add (think outside the box). This is the BEST time to plan to be on top once the crisis is over.

Reframe Worry And Concern As Opportunity

Getting involved in serving others can boost your spirits and be a healthy distraction from the constant state of worry and concern. 

How can you look for opportunities to support others (businesses, communities, and industries)?
What do they need right now and how can you provide value at the greatest time of need? 

Invest In Yourself

This is one of the best times to invest in yourself. Learn new skills, take online courses, start projects, listen to podcasts, and focus on strengthening your mindset.

Stay positive and keep your head up!

Keep Your Options Open

Do not leave jobs out of desperation and do not take jobs out of desperation. Uncertainty can lead people to do things they may not normally do. 

You may feel as if you have to take a job that you aren’t happy with or a job that pays significantly less. Keep your options open and think about what is best for you long term as you are making decisions.

Reallocate Your Time

Are you buying back time since you no longer have a commute? The job market is evolving rapidly, if you want to get results you have to act now. 

Define your job search process, create a daily schedule and stick to it, update your resume, optimize your LinkedIn profile, and create a list of contacts that you want to network with. 

Be Adaptable, Flexible, And Patient

Know that job searching almost always takes longer than you think.

Putting together a great resume can take a professional resume writer a whole week; putting together a well-researched target company list can take days; setting networking appointments can take weeks and that’s under normal circumstances!

Stay Relevant And Prepare

If you’re preparing for an interview you’ll want to feel confident in talking about how you’re thriving through this situation. 

For example, “What did you do to control your “controllables?” “How did you handle the things you couldn’t control?” 

Be prepared to have your phone and video conference interviewing skills honed. Make sure you know how to use the equipment to conduct the interview. Do a test run with a friend. 

Be prepared for a longer than normal hiring process as employers have to base their data through the camera lens versus in-person. They may want to bring you into the office to meet you and that may take time.

Find Your Focus – Prepare But Don’t Panic

I get it, everything is so uncertain right now and it can be very nerve-wracking! I would caution you to filter what information you are consuming and if you notice your anxiety level increasing, take a break and catch your breath. 

Setting your phone down or not checking the news for a couple of hours offers a much-needed reprieve from the stress of current events.

During this time prepare but don’t panic. Think about what you need to do now to find your focus and give yourself security and peace. Maybe that’s managing your mental health, supporting your personal growth, designing a career plan, updating your resume and LinkedIn profile, connecting with recruiters in your industry, amping up your online networking efforts, or engaging more with your current connections. 

You don’t want to be blindsided and it’s not disloyal to your current employer to take the necessary precautions to manage your own career.

Please know that professional support is available to you! You don’t have to figure it all out on your own and having a career coach can help you gain the clarity you need to move forward and plan for a bright future. 

Stay safe, healthy and well,
Teena Evert MA, LMFT, BCC, CCTC, CCC, GCDF, CDBS

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Teena Evert MA, LMFT, BCC, CCTC, CCC, GCDF, CDBS is a certified career coach, conversational intelligence coach, and licensed therapist who specializes in helping her clients create greater clarity, confidence, happiness, and success in their life and career. If you are stuck, recently graduated, dreaming of a career change and don’t know where to start, in need of interview preparation or a resume and personal branding critique, she can help.

Let’s  Talk

 

 

Real Help, To Move You Forward

 

Everyone experiences challenges, but only some people recognize these moments as opportunities for growth and positive change.

 

 

Working with an expert therapist or life coach can help you understand yourself more deeply, get a fresh perspective, grow as a person, and become empowered to create positive change in yourself, your relationships and your life.

 

 

Start your journey of growth today by scheduling a free consultation.

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3 Essential Steps to Make Informed Career Decisions

3 Essential Steps to Make Informed Career Decisions

3 Essential Steps to Make Informed Career Decisions

Secrets to Career Success

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Meet Mollie, she is a busy mid-career professional who holds a high-stress position with a large company and is struggling to define her professional identity and feel secure in her career decisions. 

She wishes she woke up feeling fulfilled and energized to tackle her goals, but there’s just one problem – she’s not entirely sure what her goals are for her future. Because of that, Mollie is often consumed by negative thoughts and worries about the uncertainty of her indecisions. She is lacking presence in her relationships and with herself and feels stuck sitting at hesitation station. 

What she really wants is to gain clarity and confidence so that she can move forward, let go of the past, and find more meaning along her career path, instead of making excuses. Ultimately Mollie wants to live her life to the fullest, get unstuck for good, and be happy and successful in her work-life.

You might be able to relate to ALL or parts of Mollie’s experience. You are not alone. Mollie took action by making the decision to invest in a career coach to help her gain clarity, confidence, and direction she needed to get unstuck and move forward. As a career coach, I wanted to share with you what I share with my career coaching clients, here are my top 3 Essential Steps to Making Informed Career Decisions!

1. Become Self-Aware

Searching for the right career path requires establishing a career plan. A critical part of the career planning process is becoming self-aware, before even identifying career options and making important career decisions. Finding a path for your career that is meaningful and satisfying requires self-assessment to gain the self-awareness you’ll need to make informed career decisions. This means exploring your true interests and passions, your values and personality preferences, as well as your strengths and transferable skills. 

WHO Before WHAT

Gaining clarity about WHO you are will naturally lead you in the right direction towards WHAT it is that you want to do. This holds true whether you are a recent graduate and just launching your career or if you are an early, mid or late-career professional who is looking for greater satisfaction in your current role or making a career change. There are several other factors that need to be taken into consideration when it comes to making important career decisions – Such as, what is your ideal work environment, what level of responsibility do you want and desire, and what are your salary requirements and preferences?

2. Career Planning 

Career planning helps you develop the “picture of your ideal job”. By exploring first WHO you are, followed by researching possible career and work options that fit your personality, you will be better equipped to consider economic realities and make important career decisions in a thoughtful way. 

The first step of career planning that will most certainly inform your career decisions, is to ask yourself a few questions that probably don’t initially seem very career-focused. By answering these 3 seemly simple questions, you will have more self-knowledge about your interests.

  • In your free time, what do you like to do
  • What are your hobbies? You may not have realized it until now, but many hobbies are also industries. Therefore, if you identify a favorite hobby, you may also have identified a favorite field. This applies whether you are just starting out or itching for a change. 
  • When friends come to you for help with problems or questions, what are the kinds of problems or questions for which they seek your advice?

Create The Life You Envision

It is possible to transform your interests into job targets. This is a process that I coach my career coaching clients through to help them create the kind of life that they envision for themselves. Especially those who feel like they are stuck in a rut and want to do something that feels more like they are truly making a difference at the end of the day. The focus is on both self-understanding and gaining knowledge about the job market. 

The second key step of the career planning process is to identify your strengths and transferable skills. What makes a transferable skill a strength is when you identify the skill as something you are highly proficient in and that you enjoy. If you don’t enjoy it, and it’s not important to you, then it’s not a true strength. 

What Are Transferable Skills? 

They are the basic building blocks of a job that are not rooted in any particular field or content. A transferable skill is a developed aptitude or ability and is considered a functional skill. I help my clients identify their top 5 transferable skills through a combination of formal and informal assessments. This brings clarity, validation, and confidence to their strengths and ability to move to the next steps of career goal setting.

3. Develop An Action Plan

The third step is to know that career decision-making is a process that takes time. It involves retrieving comparative information about career options, testing assumptions and drawing conclusions, and looking at the pros and cons of the different job targets that have been identified. And finally, to develop a comprehensive action plan that showcases both your strengths and accomplishments so that you are following a career path that is meaningful and satisfying, and supports your lifestyle.

Set Yourself Up For Success

If you truly want to get a head start in your career, whether you are just starting out or making a significant career change, first you have to be willing to explore who you are on a deeper level. What you are choosing to do for a living is not just a job that provides a paycheck, it is something that inspires you and motivates you to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life

The career planning and decision-making process is not a fast-track to success; however, if you take the time to gain clarity about your requirements and preferences you will set yourself up for long-term success, not just short-term gratification. 

And lastly, feeling confident in the decisions you make about your life and your future is empowering. When you feel empowered it shows in your actions and success is accelerated along your chosen career path because you are more focused, strategic, and values-driven. 

Once Mollie was able to identify and acknowledge her true strengths and values, her confidence in herself grew and her motivation for creating positive change in her life became unstoppable. She began to advocate for herself more at work and received a promotion that provided her with the level of responsibility and support that she desired. She also gained greater clarity about the skill areas that she wants to further develop and as a result, she created a short term and long-term plan for her success.

Mollie is happy in her new role and trusts that her career planning will keep her from feeling stuck. She has a renewed sense of purpose at work that has positively influenced other important areas of her life. 

You can find this level of support and success in your own career journey!

I believe in you and your success,
Teena Evert, M.A., LMFT, CCTC, CCC, GCDF, CDBS

 

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Teena Evert M.A., LMFT, CCTC, CCC, GCDF, CDBS is a certified career coach, conversational intelligence coach, and licensed therapist who specializes in helping her clients create greater clarity, confidence, happiness, and success in their life and career. If you are stuck, recently graduated, dreaming of a career change and don’t know where to start, in need of interview preparation or a resume and personal branding critique, she can help.

Let’s  Talk

 

 

Real Help, To Move You Forward

 

Everyone experiences challenges, but only some people recognize these moments as opportunities for growth and positive change.

 

 

Working with an expert therapist or life coach can help you understand yourself more deeply, get a fresh perspective, grow as a person, and become empowered to create positive change in yourself, your relationships and your life.

 

 

Start your journey of growth today by scheduling a free consultation.

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3 Essential Steps to Make Informed Career Decisions

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Create a Career That’s In Alignment With YOU.

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So many of our career coaching clients come to us because they feel stuck. S T U C K.

Sometimes they’re stuck in paralysis from not knowing which career move to make. Some (many, actually) of our clients feel stuck in a career that they don’t really enjoy, but that is stable and fairly well-paying. They want to make a change but don’t know how to pivot in their career without creating chaos in their lives.

Still other of our career coaching clients are feeling stuck in work-related circumstances, like being in a toxic work environment or having difficult relationships with co-workers. They don’t necessarily want to quit their job, but they need to make a change.

Can you relate? Feeling stuck with regards to your career can feel very stressful. Having clarity and direction about your next move is huge. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m speaking with my colleague, career development coach Teena Evert.

She and I met over tea to talk about new ways of thinking and the types of questions to ask yourself that will help you get unstuck, and create a career that’s in alignment with who you are.

Every Life Experience is Valuable

One of the things Teena and I discussed is how common it is for people to fear making a “mistake” with regards to their career. This type of Success-or-Failure thinking can create additional stress and pressure on your career decisions, and contribute to career-related paralysis. Teena has some great perspective to help you find valuable, meaningful life and work-related experience in all of your efforts, and avoid falling into failure mindset — and cultivate a growth mindset instead.

Launching a Career, With Confidence

Many people reach out for career coaching when they’re just starting out in their career. Perhaps they’ve just graduated from college and are figuring out what to do with their degree… or finding that their true interest is not what they went to school for. Teena has some excellent advice for helping people just starting out get clear about who they are, and getting clarity about what type of career will be meaningful and enjoyable… as well as lucrative.

Intentional, Thoughtful Career Transitions

So often, working professionals launch careers that they develop for years… only to find out that what they’re doing for a living is not truly congruent with who they are. Sometimes, people start careers out of what’s available, or what’s stable, or what’s expected of them rather than through a thoughtful self-discovery process. Over the years, as they become more aware of who they are and what they’re really about, making career changes are an important part of their personal growth.

Teena has some great advice to help you consider who you are at the most fundamental level, and how to use self-awareness as the key tool to creating a career in alignment with your core self.

Strategic Skills For Career Advancement

Another thing we discussed was some of the ongoing personal growth work that everyone needs to do as their careers develop. As your position of responsibility grows, it becomes necessary to step up your game on every level. Learning how to be more productive and organized, increasing your emotional intelligence skills, figuring out how to create effective relationships (even with difficult coworkers), figuring out how to get ahead at work, and learning how to lead are all part of the ongoing personal growth process that a genuinely satisfying career involves.

Teena shares some great tips for how to continue to develop yourself both personally and professionally, so that you continue to operate at the fullest level of your potential as your life and career evolves.

Creating a LIFE — Not Just a Career

While we do spend a lot of time in our professional roles, a truly meaningful and satisfying career needs to fit in with your entire life. Teena shares her perspective around how to create a healthy work / life balance, how to manage your job so that it doesn’t create issues in your relationships, and how to consider your professional success as just one aspect of your entire life creation.

Teena is also a master in creating a sustainable life: She talks about some of the stress management skills about boundary-setting skills that she shares with her career coaching and life coaching clients, to help them stay in a good place physically, mentally and emotionally — even when they have a lot going on.

Let’s Talk About YOU, and Your Career Success

Pour your self your own cup of tea and join Teena and I as we discuss how to create a career that is in alignment with your authentic self, how to break through career-related paralysis, and how to manage the anxiety that starts to bubble up when you think about making big changes in your life.

Have you submitted a career-related question for the podcast lately? I took this opportunity to ask Teena some of your career questions, so be sure to listen and hear her answers!

Your partners in growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby + Teena Evert, M.A., LMFT, LAC, CDC

PS: If YOU have questions for the blog or podcast, I’m listening!  Submit your question in the comments, or though this confidential form. xoxo, LMB

 

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Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Do What You L O V E — How To Create a Career That's in Alignment With Your True Self

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Brick Fields, “Gotta Sing Your Song”

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Teena Evert is a life and a career coach who specializes in helping her clients get clarity in their careers — and within themselves — so that they can create lives, relationships and careers that are authentically joyful and congruent with their highest and best. If you’re looking to feel happier, less stressed, and succeed at the highest level of your potential (both personally and professionally) Teena can help.

Let’s  Talk

More Career Advice on The Podcast and Blog

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

Teena Evert, MA, LMFT, LAC, PC is an intuitive therapist and coach who specializes in helping her clients achieve transformation in their lives both personally and professionally. She is of great help to busy professionals on a quest to have it all: life satisfaction, a meaningful career, sane work/life balance, and healthy relationships.

Teena encourages you to develop your own unique self-care plan and give yourself the gift of deeply caring for and loving yourself, so you can thrive in a forever changing world.

 

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Feeling stressed out?

Everyone experiences stress in life, and as a Life and Career Coach, many of my clients come to me wondering how to better manage it. We actually need stress in order to thrive and continue to actualize as human beings. We also need to be okay with getting out of our own comfort zone so we can learn to thrive in a forever changing world.

The problem with stress is that we can often get stuck in a chronic state of stress that doesn’t allow us to thrive. When we are under too much stress for too long we are living in a state of survival that is headed down a path of self-destruction.

When we can manage the stress in our lives on a regular daily basis we learn to reset our nervous system back to a healthy baseline of rest and relaxation. Rest and relaxation is part of our natural state of being, without it we go into overdrive and lose touch with caring for ourselves, those we love, and the planet.

A self-care checklist is an excellent first step in bringing awareness to how you manage the stress in your life. Notice the areas of your life that need extra attention and begin to develop your own self-care plan.

Physical

_I get adequate sleep every night

_I eat healthy meals regularly

_I drink lots of water throughout the day

_I walk or exercise at least 3 times per week

Relationships

_I keep focused on how I can be more loving and kind with people in my life

_I share appreciation with those I love – friends and family throughout the day

_I am open to resolving conflict in a healthy loving way

_I am able to speak my truth and set loving boundaries with others

Fun and Relaxation

_I have fun on a regular basis

_I laugh freely and easily

_I take breaks for fun and relaxation – I don’t work non-stop

_I have things planned in the future that I look forward to

Physical Environment

_My home is well organized and clean

_I live in a home that I love

_My work environment is well organized and inspiring

_I love my lifestyle – the way I live my life

Emotional Health

_I feel peaceful and happy in my life

_I am pursuing my dreams and living my purpose

_I know my own intrinsic worth and feel loved

_I feel my life has balance and I have plenty of time to do all that I want to do

Spirituality

_I know that I am a spiritual being living in a human body

_I feel a deep connection with my spiritual connection

_I have activities I do on a regular basis that nurture my spiritual life

_I have faith that my life is unfolding exactly as it should for my highest good

Learning how to manage stress in your life is an essential part of skillful living and life satisfaction. It takes practice to know what works best on a regular daily basis. A self-care plan also needs to have some flexibility and adaptability, as it will change throughout the different stages in life, as well as with the seasons of nature.

What’s on your self-care checklist? Share with us below in the comments section.

Wishing you all the best,
Teena

 

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Stress Management Tips To Regain Your Inner Peace

Stress Management Tips To Regain Your Inner Peace

Stress Management Tips To Regain Your Inner Peace

Teena Evert is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed addictions counselor, a career and leadership coach, and a certified holistic coach with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She specializes in helping individuals grow personally and professionally, and become empowered to create positive change that improves their life satisfaction. Learn more about Teena

Take a Break From Stress

Take a Break From Stress As a life coach I hear a lot about stress. Whether I’m sitting with my clients in my office in Denver, or working with people for online life coaching the same themes come up: work, traffic, time, kids, family, money. When you think about stress, what do you usually think about? Same?

Let’s make a quick distinction. These are things that cause you to stress, but they aren’t stress themselves. Stress is what happens inside of you, as a result of these triggers. It’s normal to think of stress as something that is outside of us. The truth is, there are a lot of things in this world that can cause us stress.

 

 

However, when you learn skills and strategies to manage stress on the inside you can live through the same life experiences but feel much differently about them. Believe it or not, it is possible to learn how to manage yourself in such a way that you can maintain your inner zen no matter what is going on around you.

 

 

You Don’t Have to Live in Stress

Here’s some advice from a life coach and therapist with many years of experience in helping people develop more life satisfaction: you don’t have to feel this way. I believe that we are more stressed than ever before. Our lives tend to be overloaded and overstimulated, so much so, that we begin to feel like being stressed out is normal. We are being bombarded with constant stimulus and take very little time to recover and rest. Simply put, being stressed stinks, so making time to relax and relieve our stress every day is more important now than ever!

What is stress? Stress can be experienced physically, mentally and emotionally. Physical stress can be experienced as tight muscles, trouble sleeping, racing heart or fatigue. Emotional stress can be experienced as overwhelmed, irritation or frustrated. And mental stress can be experienced as having difficulty concentrating, forgetting things or an inability to quiet your mind at night.

 

 

Stress Management Tips

1) Develop Self-Awareness

Learning how to take a break from stress can improve your life satisfaction. The first is to develop self-awareness around your stress patterns and learn ways to relax your mind and body each day by using mindfulness skills.

 

 

This is a challenge for many people because our minds are used to being overloaded and busy, therefore, it can take some time for our mind to get used to a more relaxed way of being. You might feel like you have a hard time sitting still and just relaxing, especially if you and your mind are used to being on overdrive all the time. In this case, you might feel more stress come up as you pause and take a break. This is because you’re becoming more aware of your stress in these moments. Also note that when you have a lot of stress built up inside, it can take some time to unwind.

 

 

2) Notice How Stress Shows Up

Stress can mean something different for each person and if affects everyone in different ways. By noticing how stress shows up for you, you’re developing self-awareness. Without this self-awareness, chronic stress can just become our way of life.

 

 

Some people notice that their stress pattern is mostly physical. They can’t sleep, they have headaches, back pain or fatigue. Other people notice that their stress pattern is mostly emotional. They are anxious, short-tempered or may even feel numb. While others notice that their stress is mostly mental. They can’t focus, they procrastinate or they make careless mistakes. (Learn more about how to manage your Body, Mind, and Emotions in our Happiness Class, Love Your Life: The Happiness Class.)

 

 

Whether stress shows up for you physically, emotionally, mentally or all three, the first step to relieving stress and managing it, is to have self-awareness around your stress patterns. No matter how it shows up for you, I want to encourage that you take a break from your daily life and slow down and relax the mind and body.

 

 

Mindfully and intentionally start to notice how stress shows up for you over the next several days. Simply having an awareness of these things is the first step to feeling less stressed. Notice how your body feels in stressful moments. What emotions come up for you? What thoughts distract you from what you’re doing?

 

 

Sometimes stress can be a general feeling that you want things to be different than they are right now. We can get caught up in negative thoughts and feelings associated with stress and often times we don’t even notice that we are stuck in that pattern. This is just one reason why I encourage my Denver therapy clients and online life coaching clients to learn mindfulness skills.

 

 

 

Mindfulness and regular meditation practice can be so helpful in reducing stress. You may already be aware of how stress shows up for you and what triggers you. If this is the case, continue to observe and be aware of when it happens. Developing the skill of catching it when it starts to happen is very important.

 

 

3) Get Back To a State of Calm

Being in a calm and relaxed state is the opposite of being in a highly stressed state. When we are highly stressed we’re in fight or flight. As a result, the mind races and cortisol and adrenaline pump throughout our body. We might shut down, get angry, or feel dull or helpless.

 

 

When we are calm and relaxed our mind feels quieter and we feel good, safe, and content. It’s important to know that we’re not creating a new feeling within us, we’re simply reminding ourselves what it feels like to be calm and relaxed. This is a natural human state that we can always return to when we want to. Sometimes it takes longer to find our calm state and sometimes we forget that we can even be in this state at all, especially when stress takes over and becomes the norm.

 

 

So whether you’ve been aware of your stress patterns for a while or you’re just starting to notice what they are now – you can begin to observe when they start to come up sooner. You might start to feel a headache coming on or feel parts of your body tensing up or feel irritable or sad, or find yourself worrying more or obsessing over things that are outside of your control.

 

 

The good news is that you can begin to catch these stress patterns before they spiral into a full-blown stress response and become overwhelming. You can learn to bring yourself back to this state of calm sooner and with more ease. Take a moment right now to check in with how you feel. By checking in on a regular basis, you can start to notice what state you’re in and catch stress creeping up on you and shift yourself into a state of calm. By increasing your self-awareness around stress you can begin to relieve your stress much earlier so that it doesn’t grow to be overwhelming.

 

 

4) Change Your Focus

Take it from a therapist: The best way to manage your stress in the moment and shift away from stress and towards relaxation and calm is to change what you’re focusing on. We can quickly get caught up in stressful thoughts and feelings. When this happens, instead of dwelling on these thoughts or feelings simply take a moment to do this simple exercise.

 

 

Here’s a quick mini-meditation practice you can do anytime and anywhere: Pause. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths, letting your focus rest on the sensation of the breath slowly moving in and filling up the lungs, then slowly and gently moving all the way out. If your mind keeps jumping back to the stressful thought or feeling, just be aware that this is happening and gently bring your attention back to the breath each time, breathing deeply, for 30-60 seconds. You can do this multiple times a day. The more you practice the easier it will become to shift back into your natural state of peace and calm. Once you’re in a more relaxed state you can better deal with whatever caused you to stress in the first place, instead of just being stuck in it.

 

 

As you develop this awareness, remember not to judge yourself in any way and just observe. The truth is, stress is not likely to go away completely, but as you increase your self-awareness and practice shifting from a state of stress into a state of calm you’re helping yourself shift into a more empowered state of well-being.

 

 

Sometimes in life, there are moments where something triggers us into a highly stressed state. Although the state of calm and relaxation is a natural state that is always available to us – in a moment of high-stress nothing can seem further from the truth. The best way to shift out of a stressed state is to first simply observe that you are stressed then to change what you are focusing on. It’s very easy to stay engaged with stressful thoughts and feelings. When we stay stuck in that pattern, it continues to get worse. Take a moment to pause, Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and take 30-60 seconds to breathe and tune into the sensations of the breath.

 

 

5) Get Comfortable Slowing Down

I want to encourage you to get comfortable with slowing down and relaxing a bit more so that you can take a break from stress. Once you have the awareness that you have become stressed you can catch it sooner and then practice shifting your focus away from stress and towards your breath and body. As you do this, your state shifts and you see the external factors differently and can more easily deal with them or accept them. As we grow and improve our life’s problems will never go away, they will simply become higher quality problems. The good news is that we can change how we perceive these problems so that they don’t cause so much stress inside of us. See if you can find once or twice today where you can do 30-60 seconds of conscious breathing, especially if you have a particularly stressed moment. Then after notice if you see the problem differently.

 

 

Much of our stress is caused by problems that are out of our control or inconvenience us. Problems will never go away no matter how much we improve ourselves or our lives. We have this idea that if we just fixed each problem that everything would be okay, but when we fix one problem it doesn’t take long until another appears.

 

 

When we learn to focus on what’s happening inside of us, how to pause and shift our state away from stress and into a state of relaxation it becomes a powerful tool to manage how life affects us and how we affect life. Look for opportunities to remind yourself of this so you can experience a natural state of relaxation on a regular daily basis.

 

 

6) Have a Plan and a Practice

These are just a few of the stress management tips and ways of coping with stress that I teach my private therapy and life coaching clients. While trying out a few of the ideas I suggested is a great start, remember that managing stress is a lifelong practice. I encourage you to have a plan and a practice in place to relax and relieve your stress so that you can get comfortable with taking a break from stress to improve your overall life satisfaction.

 

 

If you would like some support and encouragement to help you manage your stress and improve your life satisfaction, I’m here to help. I specialize in stress resiliency and life satisfaction. You can always meet with me for a free consultation session to talk about how we can work together to help you conquer stress and create the inner peace you deserve. 

 

 

Warmly, Teena Evert, M.A., LMFT, LAC, PC

 

 

What is Self Love?

What is Self Love?

What is Self Love?

Teena Evert, M.A., LAC, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified coach with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She specializes in wholehearted living and empowered relationships. She can help you connect with your true self, and cultivate thriving relationships with others.

Understanding Self-Love

What is self-love? Why is self-love so important? The importance of self-love cannot be overstated. “Self Love” refers to our ability to hold ourselves in esteem and have confidence in our worth, no matter what happens around us.

Allow me to give you an example of the power of self-love, and how the lack of self-love can negatively impact you.

Lack of Self-Love

Does this sound familiar?

You feel like angry gremlins are coming at you, you’re exhausted from hauling the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’ve got this imaginary ball and chain locked around your ankles, and if that isn’t enough you’re at your wits end from constantly dodging bullets that are aimed right at your head and chest!

The truth is, you may not even actually be emotionally attacked or dragged down. But when you’re feeling vulnerable or insecure, it can seem that way. These are all distortions we can experience when our self-love tank is running on empty and our self-hate tank is topped off and running on full throttle.

The Importance of Self-Love

Did you know that the level of our self-love affects every aspect of our life?

The way we feel about ourselves impacts our relationships, our careers, how much money we make, how happy we truly are, and how people perceive us.

To determine your level of self-love, here’s a quick “self-love” quiz:

  • Do you believe that it is your job to define your own worth and lovability and no one else’s job, OR do you believe your self-worth is based on how people feel about you?
  • When you make a mistake are you able be compassionate with yourself and learn from the situation, OR do you beat yourself up?
  • Do you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, OR do you do practice self-care on a regular daily basis?

How to Practice Self-Love

Your self-love will increase if you begin to see who you really are, rather than seeing yourself through all the false beliefs and distortions. As adults, we need to take responsibility for knowing who we really are. When we are able to embrace this responsibility, then we know we are connected to our authentic or truest self. At the very essence of who we really are is a deep reservoir for our capacity to love, experience joy and compassion.

Reminding yourself that you are a good person, worthy of love and respect, will help you swat away the false beliefs telling you otherwise.

Here are 3 positive affirmations for self-love, to help guide you towards expressing your true authentic self

  1. “I don’t allow other people to define who I am.”
  2. “The worth of my true authentic self is intact, unchanging, and nothing can change it and nothing I do can take it away from me.”
  3. “My self-worth is not based on my performance or how others think of me.” (Otherwise, your self-worth will fluctuate based on those events.) 

Why Self-Love is So Important

Many of the issues that people struggle with, such as depression, anxiety, and relationship issues are really symptoms of a lack of self-love and disconnection from their true authentic self. When people feel insecure, they can worry, feel sad, or even lash out. In contrast when you feel confident and embracing of the real you, those bad feelings are less likely to arise.

Examples of Self-Love

Be kind to yourself as you learn to apply these principles of self-love into your daily living.

Believe in yourself as you open your heart to the magnificence of who you truly are.

Allow yourself to be curious as you learn to raise the level of joy in your tank of self-love.

A powerful form of self-love can even be reaching out for support when you need it. When you work with an experienced therapist or life coach, you can understand the roots of self-worth issues, and begin building yourself up from the inside out. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll feel not just happier but more empowered in your life and your relationships. 

I believe you deserve that, and I hope that you do too.


Warmly,

Teena Evert, M.A., LPC, LAC, LMFT

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